Tuesday, 13 November 2007

Guest Blogger #9: Pipsywoo - "Brainsick and Usual Shit at the Potato Farm."

Hello all, Pipsywoo popping by with a triumphant hiya!
Axl, like many others asked myself to do a guest blog, I was overly flattered, with some ego stroking I said yes yes yes and here I am.

I've been thinking about what to write about but I've no real ideas? Serious is probably out, funny is shit when forced, life stories are funny but I have none of those currently, maybe I could give you synopsis' of my favourite films within 5 seconds long but that would be no fun, as my favourite films are either well known block busters or shite bollocks that i should be ridiculed for liking, although no one would bother, it's rubbish. So I popped by The Potato Farm for some inspiration.

Outside of the front of the office, is concrete, concrete and some more concrete, the front door is bright red with the graffiti of a small penis walking down the street about to slip on a banana skin, rather fitting. Ring the buzzer and in I go...

...as I walk up the stairs, the first thing that hits me is the smell of stagnant whisky and the brightness of the office. The office opens out to the right. At the top of the stairs is a waiting area, with brown battered leather couches, a small glass coffee table and a collection of magazines. Currently, Axl appears to be in slumberland, snoring away with a little puddle of dribble accumulating on the cushion, while the hubbub of the office carries on regardless. I believe that his sleep explains the smell of whisky.
To the right of the stairs are two sets of double desks and opposite that and next to the waiting area is another set of double desks.
The walls are the imaginative magnolia, with quite high sloped ceilings, posters of cult films on the walls and press cuttings of the blog and the space is well lit from the skylites.
The bins are over flowing with discarded jokes and stories, from here I can see one that involves an elephant, an English man and a golden carrot, if this is the sort of stuff being discarded, I can not wait to see the new stuff being created. The double desks have personal dividers of posters of the staffs favourite stars or family members and they all have a certain individual flair.

The first desk to come across next to the stairs are Alice and Oscar (Creative Consultants) who sit at the same desk, they are inseparable and it appears that Oscar has a liking for semi-nude actors, not sure if Alice has actually noticed, she seems a little oblivious to say the least. Their chosen actor is Orlando Bloom - loads of him everywhere, no ladies, all him - I would say that maybe Alice is a little more persuasive than Oscar in the poster selection but I doubt it, due to Oscar's slightly flexi wrists, a copy of Queer as Folk running in the corner of his mac and his comment about my scarf and how beautiful Pucci's creations are, also the well thumbed copy of Vogue hidden inside his FHM could be a small give away but I'll try to keep my mind open, after all he does work in a creative field.

Opposite them is Clarence (Alcoholic PR guru?!), I understand that the posters of Orlando blocks out Clarences drunken stupor and general abuse. Clarence doesn't really have any posters, he has a liquor cupboard with a selection of whiskeys on one side and in replacement of his bottom drawer is a small fridge of various tins, his desk is under a skylite which appears to be constantly open and the toilet is right behind him. Also he has a complete lack of papers or computer on his desk, just a copy of Pub Weekly, the yellow pages and a telephone. Regardless of his lack of paperwork, he appears to do his job well enough, no one complains and apparently throws an incredible Christmas party.

Next to this desk at the end of the office you'll find Jenny (Finance) and Garfield (HR), their desk is full of laughter and old photos of each other, you would have thought sitting opposite each other would have been enough but i guess that they like to be surrounded by each other 24/7 or maybe they like reminders of the earlier years, where the sags, bags and wrinkles didn't exist...or maybe they haven't had time to update the photos due to how quickly the Potato Farm's success shot off. Jenny does happen to have one photo of someone else though, it's a signed photo of a chap called Odie, no idea who he is but he seems like a bright looking mutt.

The final desk is on the other side of the office, here you'll find Foxy and Badger (Research), since Clarrisa (still no job title) is new here, there doesn't seem to be a space for her, i assume she uses the coffee table and the sofas as a base but due to Axl's slumber she is currently sat at the top of the stairs with papers strewn around her.
Anyhow, Foxy and Badger' desk is covered in papers, magazines, gadgets, condoms and other crazy objects that appear to have been posted to the office with some hope of making it in to the blog. Badger appears to have a liking for Scarlett Johanssen, or so the 50 pictures of her would lead me to believe...Foxy' desk has one photo of Badger and is covered in beauty products and underwear. Badgers is covered in blokes mags and gadgets.

While here i get offered numerous cups of tea by Clarissa (maybe tea girl would be a fitting title) and a tin of cider by Clarence. I had a lot of fun and was surrounded by laughter and chatter all day long. Axl finally arose to visit the toilet at around 2pm, he waved hello and then went back to complete his slumber, no one mentioned the piss dribble on his trousers but I felt it was better to be mentioned here, I'm not employed or polite enough to not say something. The cleaner popped by to apologise for not having been there for a while. She didn't do any cleaning but did smoke about 10 cigarettes while apologising, which appeared to me to be quite a feat, due to her stay only being about 5 minutes long.

The day also saw some blogs being dropped by, from avid Potato Farm readers and I thoroughly enjoyed my stay, I'll happily pop by some time in the future very soon. Although I've one point to make, it's called a Potato Farm, yet I saw no Potatoes? None what so ever...no where, not even outside, as it's allocated on the Cowley Road, there is no vegetable patch in the back garden and the nearest allotment, I believe is on Iffley Road, which is quite a walk away...unless the dying herb box is full of potatoes, I've no idea where the name came from, unless they all turn in to potatoes after midnight?!

Written & e-mailed to the potato farm by Pipsywoo. All rights reserved. Pipsywoo is the author of the blog "Usual Shit & Brain Sick" which can be found via the "Brain Sick" link in the "Axl Approved" list there, or the adress is http://pipsywoo.blogspot.com/
She also wrote the "40 Days Without MySpace" blog about her attempts at giving up said social networking site for lent. It is also in the "Axl Approved" list or can be found here http://www.40dayswithoutmyspace.blogspot.com/

Additional: After a week of clicking and hoping, we have to sadly say goodbye to the blog "Just One More Slice", as it appears to have been deleted by the author. We wish Lardy Big Bot well in her attempt at becoming slender and svelte and we at the farm will miss her blog.

1 comment:

Le_Gore said...

Le Gore aka The Phantom aka Lee Wainwright: Guest Blog.

Bring back Axl.