Monday, 31 January 2011

So... Update.

Turns out the reason I wasn't up for going out is that I'm a little ill, which I didn't realise until I was at work on Sunday and realised that the groggy feeling I had couldn't possibly be a hangover due to the fact that I hadn't been out and that I was in fact ill.
The reason I thought it was a hangover was that it was a Sunday and I pretty much can't remember the last time I worked a Sunday without having a hangover. Hangovers are bizarrely pretty much the only thing that make working a Sunday bearable, so I just assumed that I was feeling rubbish because it was a Sunday. I was, in fact, unwell.
I also hate myself more than usual when I'm ill, so that should've been another sign too.
Anyway, nothing more to say really, other than this evening I watched 'Frost/Nixon' which I enjoyed more than I thought I would. I had also forgotten how seriously, incredibly hot Rebecca Hall is, but I can't say that because I'll probably get in trouble with my girlfriend.

Wait, hang on... Shit.

Sunday, 30 January 2011


...tonight was the one off return of 'Abort Retry Fail?', the night in Oxford that I used to fucking adore, and I had been looking forward to it for weeks. A proper little party night out, once again. Yes please.
But suddenly, at some point in the afternoon, something in me just went "No, you're not going to have fun tonight, you're going to be grumpy and boring instead for no reason," and so I've missed it and stayed in. I had some food, did the washing up, watched '10 O'Clock Live' (which is a very mixed bag and something I may feel compelled to write about another time) on 4OD, and came to bed. I am bored. Too bored to even write this properly and tomorrow I will feel like shit for not going tonight.
And I just wrote a really moaning blog post about it.
God, I hate myself sometimes.

Friday, 28 January 2011

The Rise & Fall & Rise & Fall of Sophie Ellis-Bextor.

The other day when I was in the shower, I found myself thinking about Sophie Ellis-Bextor.
No, not like that, you filthy, nasty people.
No, I suddenly got a song by theaudience stuck in my head. Remember theaudience? They were her band years ago. The song was "I Know Enough (I Dont Get Enough)." This kind of typified the band in general. They were slightly joylessly pretentious, like so many of the late Britpop bands were, because they liked the intelligence of Britpop, but not the pop. They were paid attention to though, because pretty much everyone fancied Sophie Ellis-Bextor.
I'm not saying that just as some sort of personal judgement on their music, I clearly remember Sophie Ellis-Bextor on Channel 4's 'The Jo Whiley Show' (remember that? That slightly joylessly pretentious show from the late Britpop era? There seems to be a theme here...), having a go at Neil Hannon (he of The Divine Comedy, a joyFULLY pretentious non-Britpop band of the same era (and still going strong in fact)) asking him something along the lines of how could he look himself in the mirror each morning after being a guest singer on the then latest Robbie Williams album. She basically called him a massive sellout, then a couple of years later did that song with Spiller.
That's a bizarre collaboration right there. A successful European dj collaborates on a track with an unknown singer from a forgotten indie band. It would be like if Tiesto did a track with the guy from Terris (remember them? They were 'the best new band in the world' who were going to set the world on fire but thru a process of massive overhype just fizzled out and became ignored. I actually have their album somewhere. Can't remember what it sounds like now). It would just be weird. But somehow this collaboration worked and Sophie did better than ever, by dropping the pretention and embracing the pop, something a couple of years previously she'd have called someone a sell-out for doing.
Then came her solo album, which was gonna be huge, right? Right?
Well, not really. It was fairly popular, but where I work, we still had copies from our initial orders left over YEARS later, that we only managed to shift once they'd been marked down to £1. Even then I think we've still got some copies lurking around somewhere.

So, erm, I've kind of forgotten the point of writing this. I just kind of thought it was interesting her career has had two rise and falls, that's all. theaudience were seen as a promising band, they petered out. Her solo career looked promising, it petered out, although I believe she is still going, determined to get that third rise. Poor girl. I hope she's a pessimist.

(That's a very clever (God, I'm good) reference to another song by theaudience, 'A Pessimist Is Never Disappointed' which, by the way, as a statement, is bollocks. Pessimism thrives on disappointment. It couldn't survive without it. You fool.)

Wednesday, 26 January 2011


Dear whoever makes the 'Compare The Market' adverts,








Yours sincerely,


Wednesday, 12 January 2011

The Best Way To Eat A Shoe.

Today in the pub me and my college buddies discussed what the best way to eat a shoe would be. After discussing the various ways of cooking it, and whether refrigerating it would help or hinder the task of eating it, we decided that the best way to eat a shoe would be to take a cheesegrater, and grate the shoe on the part that grates it to the finest/smallest size, then take the shoe gratings and put them in a soup (effectively making it a "Shoup", I suppose). Voila. Best way to eat a shoe.
Although now I am wondering what a shoe smoothie would be like (A "Shoethie", if you will).

Monday, 10 January 2011


I just saw an advert for a dating website called Zoosk. You know the kind of thing; 'Unlucky in love? Find someone who's truly compatible with our super-duper mind matching doohickey service!'
There is one problem tho. It's called 'Zoosk.'
I don't think I would want to go out with someone who signed up to a website called 'Zoosk.'
Seiously, 'Zoosk'?!
Zoosk sounds like something a pre-school child would call a kiss.
'Zoosk Mummy, zoosk!' Then Mummy kisses her child which then laughs.
Not exactly the image you want a dating website to give now, is it?