Tuesday, 30 January 2007

More From The Axl Brain...

1. The ground floor of my place of employment is no longer allowed to play cds and instead people must endure the mind numbing awfulness of a generic company radio channel. This means that as a store we no longer have any control over what gets played. This means that i) Songs could get played from albums that we are low in stock of. Therefore if demand is greater than supply, we end up looking bad. ii) The radio channel is based in London, therefore London controls what the whole country has to listen to, with no regards to regional tastes/differences (I would be willing to strongly bet that our sales of The Young Knives are better/higher proportional than Reading or Newcastle). This means that everyone in the whole country is being treated as if they are the same person. And not in a "Everyone deserves to be treated equally" way, in a "You will all be force-fed the same. We will control what you think." kind of way. Basically now there will be no way for us to promote something that could potentially do well if it had more exposure, something that may not necessarily do so well in another town/city. Also, all I've heard on it so far is safe, commercial, chart based material. No scope for anything a bit less known that people wouldn't necessarily hear otherwise. iii) The presenter has a horrible voice. One of those "I'm on the radio, so I'm going to put on a false voice and talk like a total wanker!" voices. Like Scott Mills. Or Alan Partridge when he's doing "Alan's Deep Bath", but more high pitched. Or virtually any local radio dj you've ever heard.
Luckily this hideousness has not yet infiltrated the basement. I think even they realise what a massive mistake that would be.

2. I'm considering starving myself after Corrine pointed out today that I'm getting a "Bit of a Podge". I think I may cut down to just one meal a day, and have a JD every time I get hungry after that. I really do not want to get a massive pot belly like my dad. (No offence dad.)

3. Another year, another batch of new homeless people in Oxford. My particular favourite is the one who's been skulking around the high street going up to people asking for spare change in a way that suggests he's either off his fucking tits, or he's going to kill you. I nearly got hit by a bike yesterday trying to avoid him coz he scares me. What? I don't wanna be his first victim!

4. January has gone very quickly. Can time slow down a bit please?

5. Jonquil really are very good indeed.

6. So are Blood Brothers. That gig was awesome.

7. I just realised I've missed the programme on Channel 4 about the UK Female Sumo team. I used to fucking love Sumo when it was on telly. And Kabaddi. I saw some Kabaddi on tv last night when flicking thru channels and it made me smile. It was part of a thing on ITV. Don't remember what it was about. Maybe it was sunday.

Right, that's it for now. Time to play some more Guitar Hero II.

Wednesday, 24 January 2007


Ok, I know you're all desperate for my albums of 2006, but I still haven't sorted it out yet. And I know yer all begging for some 'Its... Bunny & Duckie' action, but again I just haven't got round to sorting it out yet. And I haven't written anything new for over a week. I had soimething to write here tonite, but I can't remember what it was. Sorry. Here's a picture of a demon and a pig that I drew the other day. I call it "Demon And His Little Pig."
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Sorry for being so useless.
None of you actually care do you.
Oh, fuck the lot of you.

Tuesday, 16 January 2007

From The Axl Brain...

Some things that I have thought about today...

1. Boring songs. Rubbish aren't they? God, they're dull. And isn't whistling one of the most annoying things in the world? I think you'll all agree that yes, it is. So why in the name of Jehovah and the little Jesus Pixies is everyone in love with that fucking Peter, Bjorn & John song? It's not only an incredibly flat, boring, limp, lifeless old plod along of a dull piece of shit song, but it's got fucking whistling all over it! What the fuck? Do two wrong actually make a right all of a sudden? Do I wake up every day in "Opposite Day", where the mind numbingly tedious is suddenly supposed to be really good? Coz that song is not good. It really isn't. This isn't one of those things where I say something along the lines of "In spite of all this, I still really like it.", oh no. Instead this is one of those things where I say something like "In spite of all this, everyone fucking loves it and I appear to be the only person left with any sound judgment because that song is A REALLY FUCKING BORING PIECE OF SHIT!!"
So why does everyone like it so much? I can only think of two reasons. Reason 1 is that everyone has been told that it's cool by some kind of media mogul or fashionista or the like, and has been gullible enough to believe it's money making lies. Reason 2 harks back to a previous post of mine on this blog, that maybe I've lost my cool and my youth.
Personaly, I believe both reasons. Either way, it doesn't take away from the fact that that song is utter shit, and I don't understand why anyone likes it. I find it almost as annoying as that fucking Fratellis song. Almost.

2. Some peoples idea of eclectic is way off the mark. Some guy today thought he was "Very eclectic" because he was buying a Bob Dylan album, a Beatles album, and a Chopin recording. WOAH THERE CRAZY GUY! I NEARLY FELL OVER THERE, YOU'RE SO CRAZY! GOD, I WISH I HAD THE NERVE TO BE AS BOLD AND DARING AS YOU! Dick. You're about as eclectic as putting cheese on beans on toast. Stupid tosser.

3. I made cous cous earlier, and to make it a little more tasty, I put a stock cube in the water. I'd read it somewhere and it actually does make it real nice. And it got me wondering what else you could put in water for cous cous, and how it would taste. Next time, I might cook it in gravy. Mmmmmmm, I bet that would be gorgeous. I fucking love gravy. I also wondered if you could make a pudding cous cous, by putting it in boiling hot Ribena or something. Maybe chocolate milk. The possibilities for flavoured cous cous dishes are seemingly endless, I wonder why no-ones made more of that?

Right that's all for now this album's on it's last track (the album in question being 'All The Darkness Has Gone To Details' by Ultre, which is really good!) and my new Thundercats dvds need watching.


Sunday, 14 January 2007

!!! - Heart Of Hearts

Go here http://warprecords.com/ and listen to the new !!! single "Heart Of Hearts" coz it's possibly the greatest thing EVER!!!

Worst Album Of 2006

Ok, doing my best of 2006 list is getting even more complicated than it already was before. I doubt it will be up before February. So I have decided to just get this worst album of the year business out of the way, so the healing process (i.e. trying to convince Emma and Enders that being my friend is still a good idea) can start.
It would be all too easy to just say something like Westlife, and while I did hear some of the new Westlife album and it is truly hideous and possibly the nastiest little thing in human existance, I never expected to like it and therefore really couldn't care less about it. This year, there have been a few albums that I've been looking forward to, by bands I really like, that have really disappointed me. The new Futureheads album was rubbish, the new Primal Scream album was just apeing The Rolling Stones far too much, the Sway album while good, did leave me wanting a lot more (especially after the amazing This Is My Promo discs), and there are others that I can't remember off the top of my head. But it all pales in comparison to one of my favourite bands of all time releasing an uninspired, boring, limp, wet, dull, dead dog of an album. Sonic Youth's Rather Ripped album was so utterly awful that I nearly cried. I had been really excited about it, especially as their previous album Sonic Nurse, is possibly my favourite Sonic Youth album (either that or 'Sister'), and the sheer disappointment of this going-through-the-motions sounding shit that I never thought I would hear this band do, left me feeling extremly empty.

So there you go then. My worst album of 2006.
Sonic Youth - Rather Ripped.
Thanks a fucking bunch guys.

Friday, 12 January 2007

Bloggers Block

It feels like I haven't done a proper blog for ages. Problem is, I just don't know what to write about. And when I do know what to write about, it's always when I can't bloody write anything. I'm gonna have to start carrying around a pad like Lex does. (Oi Lex, write a new Blog!) So now I'm here, what do I write about? Do I write about the wierd dreams I've been having recently, like the one where me and loads of loads of people I work with/have worked with were on a tv show that took the staff of one place to work a day in another place, and we all had to run a restaurant for a day, but we were still doing our style shifts, so 6:30pm comes and I couldn't go coz everone had disappeared who was on the 11:30-8 shift, and I was the only one left running this restaurant on tv; or the dream where me and some people from work were in a flat, and someone from the block of flats opposite ours shot Ollie in the shoulder, but it turned out they'd been trying to shoot me so i had to run thru a corridor, being shot at all action film style with all the windows being shot out in an attempt on my life, but I made it to the kitchen where Rob, Matt, Han & Tim were playing poker, not at all concerned that someone was shooting up the flat, and we could hear the man shooting at me saying "We don't like people putting on soft Scottish accents." like this was the reason he was trying to kill me; or the one I had last nite that actually I can't remember now but was of a similar vein in the "I feel wierd now" stakes?
Do I write about the things that continue to piss me off, like people asking me for things while standing uncomfortably close to me, or classical snobs who complain about me daring to play any other music than Classical (Yeah, coz I'm gonna ignore a whole half of my departments stock just so you don't have to have your snobbish little ears infected aren't I? OF COURSE I'M NOT YOU FUCKING STUCK UP BASTARDS! OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES AND ACCEPT THAT THE WORLD ISN'T CATERED SPECIFICALLY JUST TO YOUR NEEDS, YOU ABHORANTLY ARROGANT FUCKING CUNTS!!), or the downright stupidity of people (someone the other day had me on what seemed to be a wild goose chase for a boxset that I was given very minimal information on and expected to know exactly what she was on about. Eventually I found something matching her description, to which she asked "What's the number on that one?", meaning the catalogue number, which I assumed she wanted so she could double check in other stores to see if they had it, because that's what people do. So I was somewhat surprised when she said "Ah, yes, that's the mono recording..." and proceeded to reel off all the information about it, incuding the basic stuff that when I said "What is it you're after?" she felt no need to tell me! USE YOUR FUCKING BRAIN, FOR FUCK'S SAKE! I KNOW YOU HAVE ONE, SO FUCKING USE IT!! Another person was after the Dutch Swing College Band, and while I was looking them up for him he randomly out of the blue, as if this was going to be the information that made the search infinitly more simple, said "They're Dutch." OH, REALLY? YOU DON'T SAY! HERE I WAS THINKING THE DUTCH SWING COLLEGE BAND WERE MONGOLIAN! BOY, IT'S A GOOD JOB YOU TOLD ME THAT, COZ NOW I'LL FIND IT STRAIGHT AWAY! Imbecile.) or the seemingly never ending ammount of new jobs i get given at work, when we can barely do the ones we already have coz they refuse to make Rob full time? (I'm getting really fucking sick of people saying that having him part time is "Better than nothing." I know full fucking well it's better than nothing. That doesn't make it good tho'! Having NHS hospitals that are plagued with a killer superbug is better than having no NHS hospitals at all, but no-one ever mentions that on the news, or in parliamentary debates do they? No. Do you know why? COZ IT'S A PISS POOR FUCKING POINT, THAT'S WHY!!) Do I write about Celebrity Big Brother? (IT'S PATHETIC! IT'S STUPID! IT'S NOT EVEN INTERESTING! STOP WATCHING!! STOP FUCKING ENCOURAGING THE DUMBING DOWN OF THE NATION!!!!!)
Do I get the violins out and tell you all about how depressed I was yesterday coz it was Alex's 21st birthday, but she's back in Edinburgh so I couldn't spend it with her?
Or do I write about how I was so bored yesterday that I clicked on the "Next Blog" button, and was greeted with some healthily breasted ladies flaunting their wares at me, which was rather nice, only for me to accidentaly click again and get taken to a blog written in a language I didn't understand, but had a photo of a first aid kit that had a jar of nutella in it, causing me to investigate further clicking "Next Blog" many many times, mostly coming up with drivel but occasionaly coming up with such gems as "Bluti" (bluti.blogspot.com), which hosts some of the most hideously awful poetry I've ever read, or "Pithydithy" (pithydithy.blogspot.com), in which a pregnant woman talks about her and her friends and their quest for babies and includes a lovely photo of her and her pregnant friend posing with their bulges out that didn't make me feel physically sick at all, or "1814u2cum" (1814u2cum.blogspot.com) which has some very graphic shots of erect penises and what some men like to do with them, often to each other, or "Webutante", (ha ha, see what she did there? very clever) (webutante.blogspot.com) which is an american conservative womans spoutings of seeming randomness, saying things that she then has nothing to back them up with, instead providing links to the kind of things that have absolutly nothing to do with what she's talking about, but will create a knee jerk reaction in the kind of people she is obviously writing for, regardless of anything so trivial as actual relevance, or one that had a promising name, "Ghostscenes" (ghostscenes.blogspot.com) but turned out to be truly awful, a man who writes what about his life and current affairs, in a poetic structure? Do I write about that?

What is a boy to do?

Sunday, 7 January 2007

The First Of The Lists

Yes yes, I know yer all soooooo desperatly waiting for my albums of 2006 list, but there are troubles. But one of these troubles I have erradicated by doing a seperate Top 10 Jazz albums of 2006. This is the list that follows. I have not included reissues. I have also not included the Soweto Kinch album, as only about a third of it is actually jazz. None of you probably care about this, but it makes things easier for me.

1. Neil Cowley Trio - Displaced
2. Esbjorn Svensson Trio - Tuesday Wonderland
3. Ornette Coleman - Sound Grammar
4. Branford Marsalis Quartet - Braggtown
5. Kenny Garrett - Beyond The Wall
6. Charles Lloyd - Sangam
7. Triosk - The Headlight Serenade
8. Necks - Chemist
9. Brad Mehldau Trio - House On Hill
10. Anthony Braxton Sextet - Victoriaville 2005

My Worst Jazz album goes to the Metheny Mehldau album which is so fucking awful, that it makes me actually feel ill when I hear it. If you are ever curious to know what it sounds like, just switch over to BBC2 when they aren't showing any programmes and instead show pages from Teletext with the kind of muzak a doctor or an american mall manager would refuse to have playing in their place of business. Listen to that hideous muzak, hear its total utter hideousness. The Metheny Mehldau album is even worse and even more cheesey than that.

The only jazz album I still haven't listened to which I wanted to this year is the new Bennie Maupin Ensemble album "Penumbra".

So thats the most major problem out of the way, hopefully the list you'll be more likely to give a crap about will be up soon. I already know what my worst album of the year is going to be, and I pre-warn those of you with the initials E and S, and vice versa, that you may well disown me for my choice.

Proper blog soon humans...