Friday, 12 January 2007

Bloggers Block

It feels like I haven't done a proper blog for ages. Problem is, I just don't know what to write about. And when I do know what to write about, it's always when I can't bloody write anything. I'm gonna have to start carrying around a pad like Lex does. (Oi Lex, write a new Blog!) So now I'm here, what do I write about? Do I write about the wierd dreams I've been having recently, like the one where me and loads of loads of people I work with/have worked with were on a tv show that took the staff of one place to work a day in another place, and we all had to run a restaurant for a day, but we were still doing our style shifts, so 6:30pm comes and I couldn't go coz everone had disappeared who was on the 11:30-8 shift, and I was the only one left running this restaurant on tv; or the dream where me and some people from work were in a flat, and someone from the block of flats opposite ours shot Ollie in the shoulder, but it turned out they'd been trying to shoot me so i had to run thru a corridor, being shot at all action film style with all the windows being shot out in an attempt on my life, but I made it to the kitchen where Rob, Matt, Han & Tim were playing poker, not at all concerned that someone was shooting up the flat, and we could hear the man shooting at me saying "We don't like people putting on soft Scottish accents." like this was the reason he was trying to kill me; or the one I had last nite that actually I can't remember now but was of a similar vein in the "I feel wierd now" stakes?
Do I write about the things that continue to piss me off, like people asking me for things while standing uncomfortably close to me, or classical snobs who complain about me daring to play any other music than Classical (Yeah, coz I'm gonna ignore a whole half of my departments stock just so you don't have to have your snobbish little ears infected aren't I? OF COURSE I'M NOT YOU FUCKING STUCK UP BASTARDS! OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES AND ACCEPT THAT THE WORLD ISN'T CATERED SPECIFICALLY JUST TO YOUR NEEDS, YOU ABHORANTLY ARROGANT FUCKING CUNTS!!), or the downright stupidity of people (someone the other day had me on what seemed to be a wild goose chase for a boxset that I was given very minimal information on and expected to know exactly what she was on about. Eventually I found something matching her description, to which she asked "What's the number on that one?", meaning the catalogue number, which I assumed she wanted so she could double check in other stores to see if they had it, because that's what people do. So I was somewhat surprised when she said "Ah, yes, that's the mono recording..." and proceeded to reel off all the information about it, incuding the basic stuff that when I said "What is it you're after?" she felt no need to tell me! USE YOUR FUCKING BRAIN, FOR FUCK'S SAKE! I KNOW YOU HAVE ONE, SO FUCKING USE IT!! Another person was after the Dutch Swing College Band, and while I was looking them up for him he randomly out of the blue, as if this was going to be the information that made the search infinitly more simple, said "They're Dutch." OH, REALLY? YOU DON'T SAY! HERE I WAS THINKING THE DUTCH SWING COLLEGE BAND WERE MONGOLIAN! BOY, IT'S A GOOD JOB YOU TOLD ME THAT, COZ NOW I'LL FIND IT STRAIGHT AWAY! Imbecile.) or the seemingly never ending ammount of new jobs i get given at work, when we can barely do the ones we already have coz they refuse to make Rob full time? (I'm getting really fucking sick of people saying that having him part time is "Better than nothing." I know full fucking well it's better than nothing. That doesn't make it good tho'! Having NHS hospitals that are plagued with a killer superbug is better than having no NHS hospitals at all, but no-one ever mentions that on the news, or in parliamentary debates do they? No. Do you know why? COZ IT'S A PISS POOR FUCKING POINT, THAT'S WHY!!) Do I write about Celebrity Big Brother? (IT'S PATHETIC! IT'S STUPID! IT'S NOT EVEN INTERESTING! STOP WATCHING!! STOP FUCKING ENCOURAGING THE DUMBING DOWN OF THE NATION!!!!!)
Do I get the violins out and tell you all about how depressed I was yesterday coz it was Alex's 21st birthday, but she's back in Edinburgh so I couldn't spend it with her?
Or do I write about how I was so bored yesterday that I clicked on the "Next Blog" button, and was greeted with some healthily breasted ladies flaunting their wares at me, which was rather nice, only for me to accidentaly click again and get taken to a blog written in a language I didn't understand, but had a photo of a first aid kit that had a jar of nutella in it, causing me to investigate further clicking "Next Blog" many many times, mostly coming up with drivel but occasionaly coming up with such gems as "Bluti" (, which hosts some of the most hideously awful poetry I've ever read, or "Pithydithy" (, in which a pregnant woman talks about her and her friends and their quest for babies and includes a lovely photo of her and her pregnant friend posing with their bulges out that didn't make me feel physically sick at all, or "1814u2cum" ( which has some very graphic shots of erect penises and what some men like to do with them, often to each other, or "Webutante", (ha ha, see what she did there? very clever) ( which is an american conservative womans spoutings of seeming randomness, saying things that she then has nothing to back them up with, instead providing links to the kind of things that have absolutly nothing to do with what she's talking about, but will create a knee jerk reaction in the kind of people she is obviously writing for, regardless of anything so trivial as actual relevance, or one that had a promising name, "Ghostscenes" ( but turned out to be truly awful, a man who writes what about his life and current affairs, in a poetic structure? Do I write about that?

What is a boy to do?

1 comment:

han said...

errrrrrrrrrrm...the last one? with the nutella 1st aid kit?