Monday, 26 February 2007


See what I did there? Very clever...

So, anyway, if you haven't all been bored to death by me saying this yet, I had one of the best weekends ever. The reason was very simple. 2 amazing gigs in 2 days. I've bored most of you already with all this, so feel free not to read on as I go into detail about just how good everyone was.

Saturday was The Walk Off at the Zodiac. I got there quite early coz I wanted to see Baby Gravy, and got in about half a minute before they started. What I saw was a bunch of kids on stage, who seem at times to not really be able to play their instruments very well, and keep going out of time with each other, probably due some kind of attention defecit disorder which seems to be causing them to try and play several different styles of music at once, all topped off by a lead singer who comes across like a recently post-pubecent Karen O who's just discovered that she has like, this totally hot body, that I can like, SO use to my advantage, all struts and hip sways like her libido is literally about to burst thru her skin and engulf the audience. Thing is, they've got so much enthusiasm. You would feel sorry for them if it weren't for the fact that sound they make is totally fucking awesome and makes you wish you were that age so that you hadn't quit that band you were in at school when being in a band was more about sketching band logos in yer schoolbooks than actually getting together and being a band. Baby Gravy come across as the misfits school band that actually bothered to do something about it, and are going to make us all insanely jealous that we never did, because while we all cling on to a dream that someday we may actually make a proper go of it, Baby Gravy had that vision all along, and are far better for it, making any efforts we could come up with seem pretty tame by comparison. Baby Gravy sound awesome. You can pick it apart all you want, at the end of the day tho, that's all that matters.
Then a dj was playing some awesome Hardcore and Drum n Bass tunes that I didn't recognise but want to own every one. And there's a dancing hot dog in the corner. What's going on over there?
Second up, Mephisto Grande. 2 guys who used to be in Suitable Case For Treatment - who for some reason, I never saw. These guys have a lot of talent. This doesn't make them good tho. What makes them good is their Tom Waits meets Reverend Horton Heat fighting a tramp sound. It's not like anything I've heard an Oxford band do before, and they do it superbly. And they both play accordion at one point. Which is cool. Although I don't seem to be able to write as much about them, I think I liked them even more than Baby Gravy.
As I went to get a drink during their set, I saw that in fact it wasn't a dj earlier, but where the hot dog had been dancing was a laptop next to a bunch of electronic childrens toys hooked up to a mixer. After MG's set, they played again, and it was fucking awesome. It said they were called Party-Shank on the gig schedule, but they're actually called Party Sausage & I Will Shank You For A Penny.
My chum Alice beckoned me to the front for The Walk Off. The Walk Off were quite probably the best band I've ever seen in my life. A live Hardcore/Techno/Drum n Bass band with a guitarist and a guy doing shouty incomprehensible vocals. I danced. A lot. It's the first time I've been in a mosh/dance pit down the front I've been in at a gig since I saw Marilyn Manson at Brixton in 1997. And the hardest I've danced since I first saw 2 Many Dj's at Homelands. But most importantly, It was good. It was really really fucking good. I said this to Alice and Alice told them (she knows then, y'see?). And then got real jealous coz they gave me an inflatable robot.

Sunday was Foals at the Zodiac. And again I wanted to check out the support band, The Rock Of Travolta. I first saw The Rock... over 6 years ago supporting ...Trail Of Dead, and I totally fell in love with them. Then they played exactly the same set for a year, but were still real good. Then they did Uluru which was rubbish and the last time I saw them they were awful. That was about 4 years ago. There've been line up changes and stuff. I was very intrigued to see what they are like now. I was very pleased to find that they're really good again! And loud! Louder than I remember them being before. They still pose too. I still like their poses.
I was a little worried about seeing Foals after the utter glory of saturday, that I may not like them as much for some reason. I don't know what I was worrying about. I don't really know how, but Foals have managed to get even better than they were before! They've rewritten bits and written new stuff and have managed to improve something that was already awesome into something amazing. They really are already on another level, I can't wait to see what happens from here. And I danced at the front in the dance/mosh pit, again!

The weekend made me feel like a kid again. All excited and shit. Yes definitely one of the best weekends ever. The fact it almost all came from local bands (Party-Shank being the exception) is a real testament to just how good and varied the Oxford scene is at the moment.
Only problem is that now it's monday and I'm in pain and I can't sleep. My neck hurts, my arm hurts, my ribs hurt and my legs are knackered. Still an old man after all then. Good job really. If were 10 years younger, I would be agonising over who I prefer out of Foals and The Walk Off. In my aged maturity I can just look at them both and say that they are both up there with the best bands in the country at the moment. My new favourite bands.

Right fuck off, I've had enough now.

Wednesday, 21 February 2007


So, I read Emma's blog and am listening to the archive Pegg & Frost on that hideous Edith Bowman's show, and I look at the a-z of Radio 1 shows that's there. and I see this:

"The Flaming Lips Experiment - We review the career of the most experimental band ever."

Now, no matter what you think of The Flaming Lips, to call them "the most experimental band ever." is quite frankly ridiculous. It's so stupid that I can't even muster up my usual vitriolic hatred reserved for just such a hopelessly misguided statment.

Jesus, Edith Bowman plays some real shit. Twat.

Wow, this blog ran out of steam quickly.

Monday, 19 February 2007

Jeez, When Did Everyone Get A Life?

So, Im in Edinburgh for the week and finally get round to checking e-mails, MySpace, Blogs etc. What do I find? No-one has written a new blog. Except Hannah, but only to show off her awesome knitwork. And Matts too. What's going on? Did you all go and 'Get A Life'? Hmmm? Been out socialising have we, hmm? Doing things with our time? Leaving the house and venturing outdoors? Well STOP IT! Just coz I go away for a week, you all think you can stop being sad losers too. Well, I say NO! Next time you feel like going outside, don't. You know there are cars out there? Get hit by one of those and you're toast. Sticky human roadkill toast. And you know all those 'Friends' you have and just loooooove spending time with? They've probably got some kind of disease that they'll give you. And you'll be all ill and shit. So stop living your lives, and go back to being sad and write more blogs. Now. You bloody bastards.

Monday, 12 February 2007

Second Of The Lists

Yes, believe it or not I am STILL trying to work out a best of 2006 list. Yeah, I know. Shut up. Anyway, to sate my own idiotic need to make a list more than any thoughts of any benefit to any of you, here's more categorised choices.

Tune Of 2006:- Outkast - 'Morris Brown'.
Reissue Of 2006:- Karen Dalton - 'In My Own Time'
Compilation Of 2006:- AFX - Chosen Lords

Now the one absolutely none of you will care about probably,
Top 5 Classical albums of 2006:

1. Max Richter - 'Songs From Before'
2. Wagner - 'Gotterdammerung' (1955 Bayreuth Festival Recording)
3. Rossini - 'Matilde Di Shabran' (Feat. Massis, Florez, Frizza)
4. Schubert - Piano Music For Four Hands
(Carnegie Hall Concert by Kissin & Levine)
5. John Adams - 'Dharma At Big Sur/My Father Knew Charles Ives'

So there we go. Next list up whenever I actually decide upon it.

Tuesday, 6 February 2007

Youporn & Porntube.

Now, I'm no prude, as most of you should know, but I'm starting to think that I just don't like porn.

After having the internet for a bit, the inevitable happens. You look up porn. Normally after about half an hour. Which is probably why people were surprised to learn that 3 months after getting my computer, I still hadn't looked up any. So I finally did. A couple of people had mentioned Youporn, so I went there. What I found was what I always find with porn. It's shit. Some overweight guy mauling some really-obviously-faking-it woman in a hotel room? No thanks. 'Bukake bitch takes it 7 ways on her face' (may not be actual title):- A woman kneeling on the floor saying "Oh yeah, cum on my face. I love it when you come on my face." While some faceless man brings his cock in shot, rubs it and ejaculates some stodgy, rice-pudding-consistency spunk on her face. It goes near her eye, and she says "Oh yeah, cum in my eye." and then rubs it in her own eye. Idiot. Then a second faceless phallus hones into view and the whole thing starts again. Not really my cup of tea. One that looked promising was one that started with some woman with quite big tits, playing seductivly with said tits. Mmmm, yeah, looking good. Ooh, whats she doing now? She's sitting down. She's rubbing her vagina. Erm, she's rubbing harder. Ah! Ow! Stop it! She's wanking so hard, there's no way it can be pleasurable. She looks like she's literally attacking her vagina. No, that's enough of that thankyou.
So I turned to Porntube, another one I was told I should look at. I didn't last long on that one. One of the first images I saw on that was a woman shitting cum out of her arse. Pretty much gave up on that one there.
Surely not all porn can be this rubbish, can it? No, and so I went to look at Tera Patrick's website, coz she's fit. Hmm, trailers you say? Yeah, lets check 'em out. Now these are high budget affairs with attractive people in. Yeah, this looks good. Oh, hang on, what? No! They're just doing the same thing but with more money! It's all rubbish! It's all unattractive!
So I conclude that porn is shit. It's ugly, and some of the things they do are just ridiculous. I can't even seem to laugh at it, I don't even find it funny anymore.
Oh God. I'm getting old, aren't I?

Thursday, 1 February 2007


Anyone know where I can get some cocaine? Apparently if I get addicted to cocaine, I'll be real thin again. After Corinne saying I've got a podge I'm thinking of ways to not let it get out of hand and turn into a fatty fatso pot belly. Sly Stone is in the new MOJO, and he's still thin. Mr Riley says it's coz he was a cocaine addict for so long, so in an effort to re-obtain & maintain a svelt figure, I'm considering coke addiction. Maybe I'll save up some money first, so that if I lose my job, I wont have to steal stuff from all my friends to maintain my habit. Yeah, I'll save up first. I wonder if I'll get a discount if I buy it in bulk? Hmmm, there's an idea. Although, I'd have to keep it pretty quiet in case people find out and start hassling me to sell them some. I don't really want to get into drug dealing.