Now, I'm no prude, as most of you should know, but I'm starting to think that I just don't like porn.
After having the internet for a bit, the inevitable happens. You look up porn. Normally after about half an hour. Which is probably why people were surprised to learn that 3 months after getting my computer, I still hadn't looked up any. So I finally did. A couple of people had mentioned Youporn, so I went there. What I found was what I always find with porn. It's shit. Some overweight guy mauling some really-obviously-faking-it woman in a hotel room? No thanks. 'Bukake bitch takes it 7 ways on her face' (may not be actual title):- A woman kneeling on the floor saying "Oh yeah, cum on my face. I love it when you come on my face." While some faceless man brings his cock in shot, rubs it and ejaculates some stodgy, rice-pudding-consistency spunk on her face. It goes near her eye, and she says "Oh yeah, cum in my eye." and then rubs it in her own eye. Idiot. Then a second faceless phallus hones into view and the whole thing starts again. Not really my cup of tea. One that looked promising was one that started with some woman with quite big tits, playing seductivly with said tits. Mmmm, yeah, looking good. Ooh, whats she doing now? She's sitting down. She's rubbing her vagina. Erm, she's rubbing harder. Ah! Ow! Stop it! She's wanking so hard, there's no way it can be pleasurable. She looks like she's literally attacking her vagina. No, that's enough of that thankyou.
So I turned to Porntube, another one I was told I should look at. I didn't last long on that one. One of the first images I saw on that was a woman shitting cum out of her arse. Pretty much gave up on that one there.
Surely not all porn can be this rubbish, can it? No, and so I went to look at Tera Patrick's website, coz she's fit. Hmm, trailers you say? Yeah, lets check 'em out. Now these are high budget affairs with attractive people in. Yeah, this looks good. Oh, hang on, what? No! They're just doing the same thing but with more money! It's all rubbish! It's all unattractive!
So I conclude that porn is shit. It's ugly, and some of the things they do are just ridiculous. I can't even seem to laugh at it, I don't even find it funny anymore.
Oh God. I'm getting old, aren't I?