Guest Blogger #10: Schmemma - "Giantest Wimp."

hello..schmemma here. i too have been asked to write something for the potato farm, and i felt very honoured indeed..but the honour then gave way to unease, and then to downright panic over what exactly i was going to write about that would live up to the good name of the potato farm..

the only thing that i've considered writing about was something that happened on the bus home yesterday..there were 2 little girls (when i say little, i reckon they were about 8) dressed entirely in pink sat at the front on the top deck, playing hideously bad garage music from their mobile phone speaker..this is always very annoying, but happens so much these days that i just sighed and dug my ipod out of my bag..

no sooner had i plugged myself than i saw the man in front of me, who had been fidgeting in a somewhat agitated way for a while, get up and politely ask the girls to turn their music off..and they did! amazing..i half expected the whole top deck to burst into applause..when it didn't, i was tempted to pat the man on the back in a congratulatory fashion when he sat back down. instead i did nothing but smile to myself and turn my ipod back on. then, however, i started to get paranoid that said man, suddenly on a roll, was going to turn round and tell me to turn my own music down..not wanting to be told off by a stranger, i pre-empted him by turning it down myself..which reminded me that i have always been the sort of person who will do anything to avoid getting told off by people who are not members of my close family..why is this? what would have happened if the man had indeed turned round and told me to turn my ipod down? well, dear readers, i will tell you..i would very probably have burst into tears. yes. i am the giantest wimp in the world..

when i told owlhead that i was thinking of submitting this story to the potato farm, he said that it was the rubbishest story he'd ever heard, and that i had to think of something better. but i didn't. maybe i should have told you all about when the young knives came to visit newcastle last week, an evening which ended very late and very drunkenly, and resulted in owlhead being over an hour late for work the next day (for the first time ever, apparently)..or maybe i should have told you about the awesome youthmovies gig we saw the other week..but i thought you'd all prefer to hear the bus story, because it is obviously good and owlhead is obviously wrong. so there.

Written & e-mailed to the potato farm by Schmemma. All rights reserved. Schmemma is the author of the blog "Molly Ringwald Blues" which is in the "Axl Approved" list there, or the address is http://mollyringwaldblues.blogspot.com/
Owlhead is some sort of meanie or something, I dunno, he sounds a little like he should get his act together or something. I mean, he's a pretty unsavoury character, I reckon he's got a shady past. I've never seen his body, but I bet it's all scarred up and that from working for t'northern mafia or something. He probably used to sell drugs to kids, and I heard a rumour that his nickname Owlhead, comes from when he was caught giving an owl head in his local aviary. That's why he's barred from there. Apparently, he now spends much of his time trying to attract pigeons so he can have his wicked way with them. Filthy bastard.