Thursday, 7 February 2008


A song I wrote whilst in the shower just now:



Have you ever met a man called Steven?
Have you ever had lunch with a cleaner?
Have you ever held a frog in the palm of your hand,
Then tied it to a kite in the streets of Japan?

If you think about it,
Isn't a frog's tounge the opposite of an acorn?
Remember the time you had lunch with yer mum,
And that frog was just staring at you for ages?
You sort of became hypnotised,
And Paula Radcliffe ran by,
Then did a wee on the floor.
Do you want more?
Open wide,
Let her run inside yer mind.

Have you ever met a man called Steven?
Have you ever done drugs with a cleaner,
Then thought their mop was a hot human,
And made sweet love all night, all night long?

What about the time you were playing volleyball,
In the school hall,
And all of a sudden 500 frogs were in the room?
They all croaked at the same time.
The sound was deafening,
And out of their mouths came a million flies,
And they spelled out the words,
"Go home you fucking retard!" in the air,
And you ran away screaming?

Have you ever met a frog named Steven,
Who hypnotised you into doing spring cleaning,
Dressed up as a horse with only 3 legs,
And he made you sing the whole of "Quadrophenia"?


All my best lyrics come to me in the shower, but usually I forget them. In fact, my favourite lyrics that I came up with for this song were the ones I forgot in the time between getting out of the shower and writing this down. For my birthday, I want a waterproof notepad and pen please. I say that, but all that'll happen then is that I won't ever think of another song in the shower ever again. Sod's law really. Anyway, as Dizzee Rascal once said, "I'm pro, and so, it's off to work I go."


schmemma said...

you'd better make that into a song and record it and send it to me straight away, otherwise i'm gonna be real mad..

Blake said...

that thing with the mop and falling in love with it and the sex all after taking drugs and stuff happened to a real friend that I have. I've got the video!

Cowboy Craig said...

The first track from the "Knife and Folk" album perhaps?!