Lunch At Red Star.

You know when you get an unbearable craving for something? Today I had an overwhelming need for a Beef Brisket Noodle Soup at the Red Star Noodle Bar on Cowley Road in Oxford. I tried to fight it, but to no avail, and when 12:30 came round it was off to Red Star for me.

That's right. I went to a restaurant on my own.

I have been to restaurants on my own a few times, and everytime I do it makes me feel like Reginald Perrin. Not the Martin Clunes re-make Reggie (which by the way, although much slated and ignored was actually pretty decent (tho this was almost entirely due to Clunes himself)), but the classic original Leonard Rossiter Reggie, specifically the scene in an episode of the first series where he orders a three course meal of raviolli, raviolli and raviolli (Seriously, if you haven't seen any of the original series, seek it out. It's an absolute comedy gem).

Erm... I've forgotten what my point was now.

But anyway, restaurants are a bit like cinemas. Often people don't understand why or how someone can go to them alone. They are seen as purely social settings. Yeah, tell that to me again when I'm sitting next to a couple who are clearly going thru the motions with each other, all concept of love long since disintegrated as they sit there not even trying to pretend that they even want to talk to each other, wondering what went wrong with their lives and questioning just why they feel so stuck in the utterly joyless situation they've got themselves into.

A-hem.

Aaaaaanyway, there I am sitting with my absolutely delicious bowl of food, reading my Empire magazine. All is good with my lunchtime. Then the other guy who's in there on his own and who has just finished his food says to the guy taking his empty plates:

"Can I, erm... thingy please?"

HUHN?! Can I erm thingy please?!? What the hell?!

Somehow, the waiter guy knew what this loon was on about and brought him his bill.

Suddenly I thought to myself, is this what people think of me? Is everyone here and are all the passers by looking in the window looking at me and seeing me as that guy? An awkward, socially inept, loser?

Then a few minutes after he'd gone, a couple came in and were seated on the table next to mine. After ordering, the man picked up his chopsticks, said "Hey, you know how they used to find water?", waved them about in his hands for a bit, and then prodded them into the womans tits.

I felt somewhat vindicated.