Does anyone ever find themselves having real urges to do very odd things while talking to people?
I was having my performance review at work on Sunday, and while my supervisor was talking to me about some boring thing or other, I became transfixed by his eyelashes, and I had this sudden urge to pull them out. Not because I was angry, not because I don't like him (I actually do like my supervisor at work, he can be a bit temperamental sometimes, but on the whole he's pretty ace), more just the fact that in my head flashed the question; "What would happen if I pulled out his eyelashes?"
About 2 or 3 years ago, I went thru a phase where I pretty much couldn't talk to anyone without wondering what would happen if I were to suddenly kiss the person I was talking to. Not because I wanted to kiss them, just because I suddenly wanted to see what would happen if I did. I never acted on any of these, and I didn't even really want to, but that weird urge to do so was always there.
I think I just wanted to see what would happen if people were caught off guard, thrown off balance, faced with the unexpected. I have thoughts like this all the time. "What would happen if I slapped this person in the face?", "What would happen if I told this person to fuck off?", "What would happen if I grabbed this person's arse?", "What would happen if I sang the next thing I was going to say?", "What would happen if I just let out an almighty groan right now?"
I have a friend who says he can't deal with heights, coz he knows he will just want to throw everything in his pockets over the side of wherever he is. This is kinda like that. I have no idea why I think like this, but I do.
My worry about all this is that one day I will lose that controlling voice that says "No Axl, don't be so fucking stupid", and actually end up just doing all this crap that comes into my head. Hopefully tho that won't happen until I'm senile and in some building where hot nurses bring me mugs of hot cocoa. I guess that wouldn't be so bad. Nurses in old people's homes and mental asylums must be used to far worse than this kind of thing, right?
P.S. What is the difference between cocoa and hot chocolate? Seriously, what is it? I have no idea.