Monday, 13 July 2009

Bizarre Urges.

This is one of those posts that will either make total sense or no sense at all.

Does anyone ever find themselves having real urges to do very odd things while talking to people?
I was having my performance review at work on Sunday, and while my supervisor was talking to me about some boring thing or other, I became transfixed by his eyelashes, and I had this sudden urge to pull them out. Not because I was angry, not because I don't like him (I actually do like my supervisor at work, he can be a bit temperamental sometimes, but on the whole he's pretty ace), more just the fact that in my head flashed the question; "What would happen if I pulled out his eyelashes?"
About 2 or 3 years ago, I went thru a phase where I pretty much couldn't talk to anyone without wondering what would happen if I were to suddenly kiss the person I was talking to. Not because I wanted to kiss them, just because I suddenly wanted to see what would happen if I did. I never acted on any of these, and I didn't even really want to, but that weird urge to do so was always there.
I think I just wanted to see what would happen if people were caught off guard, thrown off balance, faced with the unexpected. I have thoughts like this all the time. "What would happen if I slapped this person in the face?", "What would happen if I told this person to fuck off?", "What would happen if I grabbed this person's arse?", "What would happen if I sang the next thing I was going to say?", "What would happen if I just let out an almighty groan right now?"
I have a friend who says he can't deal with heights, coz he knows he will just want to throw everything in his pockets over the side of wherever he is. This is kinda like that. I have no idea why I think like this, but I do.
My worry about all this is that one day I will lose that controlling voice that says "No Axl, don't be so fucking stupid", and actually end up just doing all this crap that comes into my head. Hopefully tho that won't happen until I'm senile and in some building where hot nurses bring me mugs of hot cocoa. I guess that wouldn't be so bad. Nurses in old people's homes and mental asylums must be used to far worse than this kind of thing, right?

P.S. What is the difference between cocoa and hot chocolate? Seriously, what is it? I have no idea.


Jamie said...

Cocoa is the dried and fully fermented fatty seed of the cacao tree.

Hot chocolate is the drink.

While people do call Hot chocolate "cocoa" in todays language, you can not call cocoa "Hot Chocolate" until it is a drink, not when it is a powder.

Or something like that.

Fat Chan said...

I know exactly what you're talking about Axl-pants...not this hot chocolate nonsense but the bizarre urges; unfortunately my bizarre urges are of the more horrifically macabre. I tend to think of killing people...or hurting them in pretty nasty ways and usually they are people a care a lot about. I have no idea as to the reason of the thoughts, I have no desire to act upon them (and never have and hope never will) and thinking about them makes me feel chills. But again it's the wondering of "What would happen if...?", I have heard via Adam & Joe's radio show that I'm not the only person in the world that thinks like this on occasion...but it is still deeply worrying at thankful that the worst you might do is slap someone or pinch their arse...or get a sexy kiss!