I've come up with a great idea for a board game. It's based on the film "Babel". 2-4 people can play. Each player can choose to be one of four characters; Cheiko - a deaf mute Japanese girl, Richard - an American in Morocco, Amelia - a mexican housemaid, or Anwar (I may have got that name wrong) - a Moroccan boy. In a similar vein to Ludo, each characte has their own corner of the board, unlike Ludo the characters pretty much only stay in their corner, save the occasional "Twist Cards" that come into play, e.g Anwar briefly goes into Richard's corner of the board (or vice-versa), when Anwar shoots Richard's wife. Each character has their own "Character Development Cards" that will come into play when certain squares are landed on. These will say things like "While dancing to music you can't hear (but can get a sense of rhythm to due to the physical movement of the sound in the air and the bass in the floor, as well as from seeing the movements of those around you), you see your best friend copping off with the guy you really fancy. Run away and miss a turn.", or "You have just helped your possibly-bleeding-to-death wife have a piss in a bowl. You suddenly become really inexplicably turned on and passionately kiss her in a way you probably haven't done for years. This simple act has not only reinforced your renewed feelings of love towards her, but has also rekindled your desire for her in a way you don't quite understand. Roll again." The winner is the first character who plays out their plotline to the end first.
Now, what's the first thing you notice about this idea? Yes, that's right. It's not a great idea at all. In fact it's a really really shit idea. It would be like making a film about Snakes & Ladders. Or Ludo. Or Mouse Trap. Or Monopoly.
RIDLEY SCOTT IS MAKING A FILM OF THE BOARD GAME MONOPOLY.
Firstly, how?!?! How the hell are you gonna get a film out of Monopoly?! I can't wait for the chase sequence after someone parks on Go To Jail Corner without authorisation. Or the incredible dialogue;
"Goddammit! I only just got paid and now I've been hit with a tax bill so it's all gotta go back, and I'm probably gonna end up having to pay to stay at one of my Grandma's houses on the next leg of my journey!"
"Yup. I been there man. My aunt just got a fancy new hotel on Fleet Street. Still charges me full rates whenever I gotta stay there. And just after that ridiculous lottery system of payin' the water bill. I tells ya, if I hadn't come second in that beauty contest the other day, I'd be penniless."
"Yeah, the water and electric billing sucks. What do you do for a living anyway?"
"Me? Oh, I just walk around. I'm a walker. I just go round certain parts of London, stayin' in places. Then, everytime I get past Mayfair on my way back round to Old Kent Road, I get paid. Simple as that."
"You don't say! Hey, I'm a walker too!"
"No way! HA! What are the chances, eh?"
MAKE NO MISTAKE. THIS IS NOT A CUTE. THIS IS NOT COOL. THIS IS A VERY VERY BAD IDEA.
Think I'm making this up?
Oh, and if that doesn't convince you;
I wanted to write more in this post, but I'm gonna have to cut it there for the mo. I want to write more, but I'll probably forget.