Wednesday, 11 June 2008

Roy Hargrove - "Ear Food"

4th June 2008 - Today at work in the basement

Axl: - "Oooh, the new Roy Hargrove album's out. I liked his last one, I'll give this a listen."

Puts on CD. A couple of minutes pass.

Axl: - "Oh dear, I'm very sleepy. "

Axl falls asleep and dreams. He's on a conveyor belt, like the floor escalators they have in airports. Either side of him, men sit on clouds, clicking their fingers along to the music, watching Gerald Clayton playing a piano made of sponge cake. Then up pops Roy Hargrove at the end of the conveyor belt playing a trumpet that sprays out custard at an alarming rate. Custard fills the space. Axl, now up to his shoulders in custard, has his head jerked to one side by Justin Robinson, who proceeds to grate cheese into Axl's ear, then pulls out a saxophone made of cotton wool and bores Axl with a solo. Montez Coleman crafts an astronauts helmet out of marshmallow, puts it on Axl's head and drums on it while in the distance, Danton Boller has picked up an un-used cloud & is using it as a double bass. Roy Hargrove then comes back, pulls up the visor on Axl's helmet and plays his trumpet in Axl's face, drowning Axl in custard. Axl's drowning drowning in custard! He's drowning.........

Axl wakes up.

Axl: - "God, is this shit still playing? How much is left? 23 minutes?! Fuck that, I'm turning this off, it's terrible!"

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