Monday, 21 April 2008

Brain Dead.

Wednesday was my first day back at work after 8 days off and I think my brain died. I was doing fine up until my lunch break. I was managing to get back into the swing of everyday retail working pretty well, but then I had my lunch. Somewhere in that hour my brain went from being fairly active and attentive, to being in a state of total uselessness where I was unable to do or even understand anything. I was a total mess. I was so unhelpful.

"Do you know if you've got anything by so-and-so?"
"Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......................"

"Have you got this album in?"
"Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......................"

"Do you know who this song's by?"
"Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......................"

"Do you know much about jazz?"
"Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......................"

"Is this cd 6 pounds coz it's got dust on it?"
"..............................................................................................................................."

I'm not sure if I'm gonna count that one coz it was Marlon.
Who's Marlon?
You lucky fuckers.
Marlon is possibly THE most annoying human ever. One of those people who seemingly deliberately goes out of their way to wind you up. Very much NOT the person you need to be dealing with when yer brain has been reduced to a liquid and is leaking out of yer ears.


This continued for a couple of days and was recently getting better and today I was almost back to normal when:

"I need your help. Do you have classical music? Do you have guitar music? I'm looking for something that was done in the last 35 years. I've heard it on the radio a couple of times. Can you listen? I recorded it on my camera when I last heard it playing. It is just solo guitar. On it's own."
Plays me clip of a badly recorded guitar piece. The picture on his camera shows the radio and a red sofa. It plays for about 2 minutes and is oddly rather eerie, like an out-take from INLAND EMPIRE or something.
"I don't recognise that I'm afraid."
"No? The play it on local radio quite a lot."
"Yeah, I still don't know that is though. Sorry."
"It is from the last 30, 35 years maybe?"
"Yeah, I'd love to help you, but you see this stuff dripping out of my ears? That's what was left of my brain, so I'm afraid I can't actually help in any way at all because I no longer even posess motor functions."

All my good work undone. Ruined. I was so close to being back to normal too. And now I can't sleep. I bet I could if I still had a brain.

I had a thing to say about Pete Doherty being in the news. It involved the words "Who fucking cares?" and "Talentless chancer with a Morrissey complex", but I can't remember what I was fully going to form around them.

Oh, the new album by The Kooks is out. Why don't you buy it? Alternatively, you could melt your ears off on an electric oven hob. It would be more fun AND less painful.

Still not as bad as The Wombats though. Fucking hell. Listening to them makes me consider Harikiri as an option to get out of having to hear one more song by those fuckwits.

I'm tired. I need bed now.

2 comments:

confetti confetti said...

WHO LISTENS TO RADIO AND THEN RECORDS IT ON THEIR PHONE?????

if it's on the radio so much how come the retard doesn't know who the artist is?

jezzy-chreezy, people think we're 'effen google. they need to get over themselves

Fat Chan said...

hehe jeezy chreezy! I love Eddie!