Sunday, 11 March 2007

Post No.32

MySpace wouldn't let me log in for ages today, so as a man in need of his daily voyeuristic fix, I went back to my forgotten friend, the "next blog" link. I saw a lot of blogs. About Two Thirds of them were from Canadians. Almost all of the Canadians were devout christians and passionatly right wing. It seems that the conservatives are taking over Blogger. I was getting a little bored, but then I got 2 diamond blogs in a row. The first was Similar to Pippa's 40 Days Without MySpace blog, this was a blog specifically devoted to the period of Lent. Unlike Pippa's blog about the in's & out's of a personal sacrifice however, this is a middle aged woman who is publishing a different writing from the bible every day, with a photograph to represent her feelings about it. Todays biblical quote was "2 Corinthians 5:21 God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.", which was, somewhat bafflingly, accompanied by a photograph of a frog trapped inside a glass cake dome. Erm... What the fuck?! Anyway, read on and you find out this is supposed to represent the fact that God has us all covered, in a way that is far to obscure for me to relay here. Mostly because I've read it 3 times now and it still reads like the random ramblings of a mad woman which just don't seem to link up at all, but are somehow supposed to. I particularly like the photo of her praying, desperatly trying to convey her passion for God, as if it wasn't blatantly obvious anyway. If unlike me, you don't enjoy the whole over-the-topness of fanatical christians, I apologise. I get it from my mum.
The next blog made me feel very good about myself. I've been thinking I've been blogging a bit too much recently, but that feeling disappeared when I saw This blog is by an American who is fanatical about "the beautiful game of soccer". This month alone he has posted 107 blogs. In 11 days. Yesterday alone he posted 19. 19! It made me feel a lot better about myself. As did the realisation that a lot of blogs I subsequently looked at had more than one posting a day. Most of these were from people across the pond. Whether that means anything or not, I'll leave up to you.
The best was yet to come. A few clicks later I was on a blop called "Fop" (I forgot to copy down the adress), which seemed to be a blog devoted to trashy Europop. Yes! I got to see performances of 4 of this year upcoming Eurovision entries. Entry No.1 is Finland's Hanna Pakarinen, a rather butch looking woman, with a song called "Leave Me Alone". A song which sounds like Evanescence. Second up Andorra's entry Anonymous, a group of guys who look just like McFly, with "Salven el Mon". Apparently it means Save The World, and it sounds, well, just like McFly really. Third is Serbia's Marija Serifovic, who looks just like a man in a dress, with "Molitva", a drippy ballad that sounds just like Celine Dion. Lastly, I was treated to possibly the best/worst of the lot so far. Sweden's The Ark with "The Worrying Kind". A man who looks like the bloke from H.I.M, fronting a band that sound like T-Rex. Oh, and the singer had sequins stuck on his chest in a heart shape. I wish I could remember some of the lyrics now because they were truly utterly awful. I seem to remember a line about how police cars don't care about us.
There was no topping that. The only blogs worth short mentions were one by a 14 year old girl full of terrible poetry and Avril Lavine lyrics, and one by a woman who lives in a castle who wrote something about wiping her childs bottom.

I also , through the power of some random surveys, that my perfect stripping song is "My Humps" by Black Eyed Peas, and that my kissing technique is perfect.

Jesus Christ I'm a loser.

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