Tuesday, 3 March 2009
OH NO!! I WAS SEXY TODAY!!!
(OK, I'll admit that this isn't a particularly sexy photo, but this is the only photo that was still on my phone that I took today. See, all the other photos on my phone were so sexy, that my phone has kidnapped them and hidden them away for use as sex slaves! Creepy bastard phone!)
Today I was thrown into jeopardy.
Women were checking me out as I walked into town today. I was confused, what was going on? Was my un-sexy broken due to over-use? Suddenly I realised as I was walking down the street, that I in fact wasn't walking, but doing a sexy strut! Argh! I of course corrected myself as soon as I realised, but was worried about how long I'd been looking totally hot for. There was no way I could be sure, so I had to find a way to make up for it. To balance out the evil sexyness and tip the scales back in favour of my lent vow. Opportunity presented itself in Waterstones. I was looking in the comic book section to see if the 12th '100 Bullets' book was in...
(Which it wasn't. I have been keeping an eye out for this for bloody ages and haven't seen it in any bookshop anywhere ever. Even Amazon never have it in stock when I look on there! Will I ever get a copy?!)
...when I noticed an attractive woman who had been browsing the science-fiction section, was suddenly partaking in some ocular browsing of my body! What's wrong today? I can't even look at comic books without being sexy! Thinking quickly, I came up with a great idea. I put my hand down my pants and started to scratch my balls. Knowing this might not necessarily work, I took my hand back out and sniffed my fingers in a really obvious way. (A friend from work once told me that one of her ex-boyfriends most disgusting habits was doing just this.) When I caught her eye, what do you know? She looked repulsed and soon walked away. Victory!
With what had already been happening today, I decided I couldn't risk being out in public too much, so I went to the cinema (to see 'The Class') and then talked to myself as I walked home. I made a point of gesticulating, and got some very odd looks.
But I wasn't keeping track of how sexy I had been beforehand! Did I do enough to cancel out the sexy vibes of before? Can I call this day a draw, or have I failed miserably?
Today's un-sexy verdict:- (Well) Hung jury.
ARGH! I can't even report on the day without turning it sexual! This lent vow is harder than I thought. Clearly all my sexyness I had been bottling up spilled out. It's a good job I went to the cinema. With that much sexy in such a potent state, who knows how many ladies I would've impregnated? This lent vow is dangerous.
So yeah, the film I went to see was 'The Class'. A French film about a year in the life of a class.
You know, the film that won the Golden Palm at the 2008 Cannes Film Festival.
It's easy to see why it won; It's a very well cast and acted film, acted by people who aren't 'actors'. It's very believable and realistic (and yes, those ARE two different things).
However, after the film was over I did get a feeling of "What was the point of that then?". Aside from the film getting a bit boring, there are big questions left frustratingly unanswered and there is no real sense of the chronology of the film. We are told intermittently that we are so-and-so months into the term very casually, but with no real sense that any time has actually passed. Attitudes towards teacher and pupils change without any explanation why or how, and there is no real sense that anyone has grown, developed or changed throughout the whole film, apart from one where-the-hell-did-that-come-from moment at the end when a character... well I won't spoil it for you just in case you do see it. Which all makes for a film that is quite frustrating in many ways.
Right, now I'm off to have a VERY cold shower.