Monday, 31 March 2008

So I Heard That New Panic At The Disco Album Today...

...someone put it on at work. Fucking hell it sucks.

Are they taking the piss?
They seem to be trying to make a 21st century "Sgt Pepper's..." or something, mixing up styles and switching from serious songwriting to jovial follies and back again. Problem is that while the Beatles were musical innovators and arguably geniuses, Panic At The Disco have less talent than plankton. The main problem is the utterly ridiculous vocals that sit smugly on top of everything, even though the guy is just another whining American emo cock.
(Sorry Americans, but it has to be said that whining is instantly about 10,000 times more annoying if it's in a Stateside accent, just like hip-hop dancing is instantly hideous if done by almost any British white middle or upper class student twat.)
The other problem is that it just comes across as being done so knowingly. "Look at us, we're so Goddamn crazy! Who else woulda thunka throwin in somea this old kinda shit in the mix? We're like, totally gonna mess with people's minds here dude!"
It's like they're already on a U2 or REM level of smugness where they think they can do whatever they like and it'll get released and sell bucketloads.
Thing is, they're kind of right. Uninspiring dirge that the album is, it's sold fuckloads. How did they get to that stage so quickly?! I'm betting their third album will be accompanied by the sounds of them shitting into the solid gold toilets they've bought with the money from poor unfortunate gullible children buying this apeing garbage. I'd rather they were forced to release an album of them grovelling to the world for forgiveness as their fans all returned their Panic... albums after having listened to their parents copies of the real "Sgt Peppers..." and realised they've been totally screwed over by this bunch of talentless chancers. The bonus track could be a recording of them crying themselves to sleep at night as the record company takes all their money back, and they realise they are totally devoid of any worth to society.

Sadly this will never happen, and Panic... will continue to peddle their inane trash onto teenagers ears, and other bands of the emo moment will follow suit. Expect a Cute Is What We Aim For album that sounds stupidly like "OK Computer" by the end of the year. Then expect to see all the emo kids that hang around outside HMV talking about how great it is to find their faces smashed into the pavement as I finally lose the plot and unleash Axl justice upon them.

At least Does It Offend You, Yeah? are fun. And they use cowbells. And DIRTY synth. That's right, I like Does It Offend You, Yeah?. I heard a couple of their songs, and I like them. Screw you.

Oh whatever.


schmemma said...

yes, i concur, they are the shittest..

on a different note..oh my god why are there pictures of you in a hospital bed??? what the hell happened????? are you ok?


Anonymous said...

it's on all the time on the film floor. i really really really dislike this album, i dislike it even more because it's ALWAYS stuck in my head. portishead are awesome because one portishead in a drunken state exclaimed "mark ronson is to soul as shakin' stevens is to rock 'n roll!" (sooo true!) i say panic's 'pretty odd' is sgt. peppers as shakin' stevens is to rock 'n roll!! it's such a sad sad sad trick on their demographic & i 'effen hate that guy's voice x

Pipsywoo said...

Golly, you make me laugh, as do the metaphors, similes and other grammer stylings you choose to use.

When are you going to release the "Axl guide to what's crap!", as i need some more bedtime reading.