Friday, 7 March 2008

Is Morrissey A Virgin?

This may seem like an odd question, but I remember hearing or reading somewhere that he is. I found this easy to believe as, let's face it, who would want to have sex with the world's most arrogant douchebag?
However, his "Greatest Hits" album came out recently, and in the photo on the cover he looks distinctly post-coital. It looks like the photographer was brought to the the studio, told to wait while old Mozzer got his rocks off, was summoned in just as he was reaching the vinegar strokes and five seconds after Morrissey shot his self-righteous load, was told "NOW!" and had to shoot the worlds smuggest post-cum face ever photographed.
Poor sod. The horror must've been unimaginable.

Whether the album's any good or not is pretty much irrelevant. I don't really see the point of a Morrissey greatest hits. He's not really the kind of artist people dip into. He generally splits people into three groups. 1) People who can't stand the smug fuck and hate virtually everything he's ever done. (I say virtually, coz most will admit to liking one or two Smiths songs. Usually "How Soon Is Now".) 2) People who loved The Smiths, but see his solo work as nothing but Smiths Lite, generally just nowhere near as good and therefore not worth bothering with. (This is the group I fall into.) 3) People who adore everything he does EVER and will follow him to the ends of the Earth like brainwashed members of some sort of Morrissey cult. These are the kind of people who will get drunk and have 3 hour long conversations about how bloody sodding meaningful his lyrics are because, you know, he's like a fucking poet maaaaaaan. He sums things up so fucking perfectly blah blah blah shut the fuck up already. These are the people who you can never play, talk about, or even mention The Smiths or Morrissey to or they will blabber on about nothing else all night even when everyone else has run away or slashed their wrists or hung themselves coz they won't just shut the fuck up about Morrissey already.

So the number of people who would buy this particular collection are actually few and far between. Whoever doesn't fall into one of those groups of people either won't care enough about Morrissey to buy a greatest hits collection of his, or they won't care about the style of music he makes and therefore won't care about him. Or they just won't have heard of him. It just begs the question: Morrissey's Greatest Hits. What's the point of that then?


Anonymous said...

You cunt!

Mr Axl said...


Fuck the fuck off "Anonymous" you spineless little dicksplash.

Anonymous said...

You must really know everything.

Anonymous said...

I'm gonna have to take sides with anonymous on this one I'm afraid.

Mr Axl said...

Which one? You're all anonymous!
Are you all slugs? Did you get together all your slug mates and eat all my plants last summer? Are you the ones responsible for that?
You bastards.