Monday, 21 July 2008

Why Do People Fancy Sharleen Spiteri?

Have you seen the cover of her new album? She looks about 2 Photoshop airbrush strokes away from Marilyn Manson on the cover of the "Mechanical Animals" album. Take away the photoshop and make up and I suspect she'd look like KD Lang, and no-one fancies her. Importantly tho, KD Lang can sing. I'm not a fan, but there's no denying KD's got talent. Whoever told Sharleen Spiteri that she can sing is mental. Sure, she can hit the notes, but that voice. She sings in about three or four different accents in the course of one line of a song. It's like listening to a cat being subjected to Chinese water torture. And it's always been that way. "Aah doh'n waon er luh-verr, oah jers neeeed err fren." JESUS, GOD, NO, STOP IT!!! I'LL TELL YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT TO KNOW, NOW MAKE IT STOP!!!!!
In terms of accents, her singing's the meeting place between America, Scotland, and London. Which would put her voice originating from the middle of the Atlantic Ocean somewhere. Sod Guantanamo Bay or Alcatraz, you want a hard bastard place to send people, just build an oil rig where Sharleen Spiteri's accents meet up geographically, fly her out there and make her perform at alloted times every day. Send anyone out there, they would say anything to get off there after about 3 or 4 days. Any more than that and they'ld be driven insane and any info or testimony gained probably wouldn't hold up in court, so you'ld end up doing the merciful thing and throwing them overboard.
So bearing this in mind, I'm left wondering why almost all the guys I work with virtually cream their pants over her. I have come to the conclusion that they are all masochists. It's either that or they're stupid, and I don't like thinking that people I like are stupid. So freakish sexual perversions it is. Yep, I work with sex freaks. Now, if only they'll realise this, we can start having some fun at work again maybe.


Fat Chan said...

freaky sex is the way forward....but she wouldn't be singing during sex.....well not in that way ho ho (a part of me has died now!!). I think she's hot but no no no I don't want her to sing to me, sex is all I ask for, is it really much to ask? IS IT??

Mr Axl said...

Get off my blog, you tosser.

Fat Chan said...

The height of rudeness!