This is a piece I wrote for my course. Feedback/opinions welcome.
Robin stood there, hands behind his back as always, waiting for Andrew. Andrew had told him to have the car ready for nine, but Robin was not at all surprised to be still standing there at half past. He checked his watch again. Nine thirty-seven. He heard the door and quickly put his arm behind his back. “Good morning, Mr Other!”
“Morning Robin! Sorry to keep you waiting there chap, you know how it is sometimes. It’s like a bloody chimp’s tea party in there. Now, Leeds today, isn’t it?”
“Yes Mr Other, sir.”
“Good Christ Robin, you’ve been my driver for five years now, can’t you dispense with the formalities?”
“Sorry sir.” Robin opened the back door of the car.
“Sir. Sir. I’m not your bloody schoolmaster Robin. Oh, I can see this will take some work.”
Andrew got in. Robin closed the door and then got into the driving seat.
“What is it today sir?” Ignition.
“Oh, some charity lunch thing. Orphans I think. Something to do with kids anyway. I’m only going because old Bollocks is going.” End of the driveway.
“Bollocks, sir?” Onto the road.
“Rupert Baxter. You know? Made a fortune with those microwave meals. Bloody good bloke, old Bollocks. Not like most of the nouveau.”
“Sir. Sir. Sir. I do wish you would stop calling me that. Makes me feel like a total arse. If I had one wish, it would be that you would call me Andrew for once.”
Andrew growled. “Force of habit I suppose.”
Andrew thought to himself for a moment, then broke the pause; “You know Robin, I just realised that I don’t know anything about you. I mean, I know you’re not married and you have the world’s best kept moustache, but I don’t know anything else. Maybe that’s why you don’t call me Andrew.”
“Because we’re not friends, man. This is a one sided thing here. Well, it’s time to change that. We’ve got a couple of hours drive ahead of us, so let’s get started.”
“Tell me something about yourself man!”
“What would you like to know sir?”
“Oh I don’t know, anything! Use your imagination.”
Robin said nothing.
“Why aren’t you married?”
“I was once sir.”
“Really? What happened?”
“I’d rather not say sir.”
“Fair enough. Delicate business. Bit much to start on. Erm..... well what about school? Where did you go to school?”
“I went to school in Oxford sir.”
“Oxford, eh? I know Oxford well. Bollocks is an Oxford man, you know. Sends his kids to the Magdalen Boys, know it?”
“Magdalen Boys is where I went sir.”
“Really? Well there’s a coincidence. Enjoy it did you?”
“Very much sir.”
Andrew suddenly remembered Robin’s age.
“You’d have been there during that scandal, wouldn’t you?”
“If you mean the Mrs Lindstrom incident, then yes I was sir.”
“The teacher who got pregnant by a pupil.”
“That wasn’t you was it Robin? Eh? Eh?”
“No sir. It wasn’t.”
“I bet you knew the scallywag who did it though, eh? Ah ha ha ha ha! I bet you did!”
“Yes actually, he was a good friend of mine at the time. Simon Greenidge. Truth be told sir, all of us were rather jealous of Simon.”
“Bit of a fox was she, this Mrs Lindstrom?”
“She certainly was sir. Body to die for.”
“HA HA HA! That’s more LIKE it Robin! You’re loosening up a bit! Now if you fancied her at that age.....”
“They were like heaven in a shirt sir.”
“HA! A buttoned up heaven! Brilliant! Ah, to open up the pearly gates, eh? Bet she let you know it too. Wear tight shirts did she?”
“Yes she did sir, white shirts. Usually with a black or red bra underneath.”
“One way to get you buggers to pay attention, eh?”
“Oh yes it was sir. We were always very attentive for Mrs Lindstrom, sir.”
“HA HA HA!! I bet! Excellent! Excellent! Oh, why has it taken so long for us to talk like this? This is gold. Pure gold, Robin. Right, we’re on a roll. Now, did you go to university?”
“I actually got into Oxford, so I stayed in that same city sir.”
“Really?! Bloody hell, what are you doing driving me around then?!”
“What did you study?”
“Good Lord, what happened? How are you here now?”
“I actually never completed my degree sir.”
“Whyever not Robin?”
“Oh you know. Reasons.”
“Reasons? What reasons?”
“Too hard was it? Weren’t up to the work?”
“No sir, it wasn’t that.”
“Money, was it?”
“No, I had a trust fund. Look sir, I’d really rather drop this.”
“Get kicked out did you?”
“Drugs, was it?”
“Beat up a lecturer or something?”
“Sir, I’d really rather not..”
“Played a prank that went too far?”
“Vandalise the place did you?”
“Sir please, I..”
“Oh come on man, what was it?”
“Well I would really rather not..”
“Little scandal of your own, was there?”
“ANDREW, PLEASE?! JUST DROP IT, OKAY?! JUST DROP IT!!”
There was a long pause.
“Well, I don’t know if I should be furious or celebrating?! Blimey! For the first time you call me Andrew, but blow me down if you didn’t just speak to me in the most appalling...”
“I’m sorry sir. Andrew. I’m sorry Andrew.”
“Well, I suppose I was pushing it a bit, eh? Ah, no harm done. Although I am awfully intrigued...”
“Please drop it Andrew.”
“HA! He calls me Andrew now. Brilliant. Oh, Bollocks will be tickled when I tell him.
Robin stifled a laugh.
“What’s wrong with you man?”
“Oh, nothing sir.”