That's it. I've had enough. No more. I've had enough of all the gossip, all the backbiting, all the lies, half-truths and embellishments. That's it. No more. This is the straw that broke the camels back. No more ARF?, no more Narcs, no more meeting up for drinks in gossip central (aka The Star), I've had enough of it. I let myself fall into it all again and as usual the result was I was let down. Well, no more. I'll still go to the gigs, you can still say hi and all that jazz, but I'm not part of any group anymore and I won't join in with all that shit. It's gone too far this time. I'm not your fucking plaything anymore. I'm not your comic relief. I'm not your friendly ear when you need a good moan or a gossip.
I am not your friend. So leave me the fuck alone.
Wednesday 31 October 2007
Tuesday 30 October 2007
Why Is It...
... that whenever I fall asleep watching tv, I always wake up to cheesy sax music and bad 80's film sex scenes?
Sunday 28 October 2007
Friday & Saturday
Well boy what a couple of days Axl has had now hasn't he.
Friday Part 1: SFA OK!!!
Some fantastic lady got me into see Super Furry Animals for free. I wasn't really sure what to expect. I still haven't got the new album and what I've heard I wasn't so keen on. I wasn't sure if I was letting myself in for a disappointment, as the times I've seen them before have been bloody excellent. Never fear when SFA are here though. They were just as ace as ever. A set that drew from all stages in their career while avoiding at least half of the guaranteed crowd pleasers and chucking in older album tracks I've not seen them do before. The facts that a) they still manage to sound so fresh after having been doing this for so long now and b) they can avoid so many songs you would previously be saying "Aw, I really hope they play that one!" but still deliver a set nothing short of perfect that you cannot have any complaints about is testament to their sheer talent. The fact they are not bigger than U2 by now is quite frankly baffling. I have no hesitations in saying they are one of the greatest British bands of their or possibly any time, which is ironic coz I was having a conversation the other day with someone and we were saying how it pisses us off when people say things like that.
Friday Part 2: Pendulum.
After going to The Star for some boozing, it was back to the Carling for Pendulum's dj set. The choices for support dj's were very good as they very easily got the dancing happening and the bodies moving. Then Pendulum came and gave us a set that made any lagging energy (It was almost 3am when they came on) instantly forgotten as they dropped tune after tune of killer d'n'b - including of course, all the best Pendulum tracks. Slam?, tick. Tarantula?, tick. That other really popular one that I can't remember the name of and can't be arsed to hunt down my copy of the album in the ever increasing mess that is my bedroom?, tick. - that sent many bodies (mine included) into spasmic enthusiastic dancing of the kind that would make you worry someone was gonna lose a limb if you weren't so busy losing control of yr own.
I'd forgotten just how much dancing like this can be. When you just totally lose yerself in the music being played and dance like it's the only thing you can do and fuck me don't you just love doing it.
And about two thirds of the way through, is that what I think it is? It's only fucking "Waters Of Nazareth" by Justice! Cue Axl losing the plot altogether and somehow managing to dance even harder than before as they suddenly drop about 3 tracks of French - or French style at least - house. Come on, you all know I love French house by now surely. Ooh, that reminds me, I must get a ticket for Digitalism when I get paid.
Oh, and they played a d'n'b version of "Icky Thump" by The White Stripes, which may sound a bit of a tedious novelty when you read this sentence but trust me, it was wicked.
It was pretty fucking amazing.
Saturday: Youthmovies.
What the fucks going on?! Youthmovies are playing at The Zodiac and it's only about half full!! Well believe me when I say you all really fucking missed out. This was Youthmovies like never before. I mean, they've always been awesome, but this was just on another level. It was like Youthmovies extreme edition or something, the quieter moments being extra touching and the rock out moments standing right up there with the best of any band. Whether this is the result of playing their longest tour so far or the result of a new found confidence in some incredibly strong material is something you could debate, but it would be pretty pointless. The only point to take from this is that a really good band stepped up a gear and have become an awesome prospect. If there is any justice they will be one of the bands that everyone is talking about next year. I cannot fucking wait to hear the album.
So yeah, that's a pretty fucking awesome couple of days right there! I'm paying for it today tho. I feel like shit. Totally worth it tho.
In other axl news this week, I've been very nervous a lot at work in case Mr Peaper comes back in. I'm a bit worried that when he gets told to leave the shop he's gonna try and slit my throat in the street or something. I've also been worried at the amount of songs that I should hate that I actually really like being played on the ground floor at work. "Sunflower" by Paul Weller to name one. Can't remember any others at the moment. And the amount of novelty covers doing the rounds at the moment is infuriating and incredibly tedious.
On the other hand there have been some crackers being played too. It has been awesome hearing "Moondance" by Van Morrison every day for the last week. That is a fucking excellent song, I don't care what any of you say. Nice to hear some Grace Jones too. Fuck you, I like Grace Jones!
Yeah whatever, go fuck yerself.
Friday Part 1: SFA OK!!!
Some fantastic lady got me into see Super Furry Animals for free. I wasn't really sure what to expect. I still haven't got the new album and what I've heard I wasn't so keen on. I wasn't sure if I was letting myself in for a disappointment, as the times I've seen them before have been bloody excellent. Never fear when SFA are here though. They were just as ace as ever. A set that drew from all stages in their career while avoiding at least half of the guaranteed crowd pleasers and chucking in older album tracks I've not seen them do before. The facts that a) they still manage to sound so fresh after having been doing this for so long now and b) they can avoid so many songs you would previously be saying "Aw, I really hope they play that one!" but still deliver a set nothing short of perfect that you cannot have any complaints about is testament to their sheer talent. The fact they are not bigger than U2 by now is quite frankly baffling. I have no hesitations in saying they are one of the greatest British bands of their or possibly any time, which is ironic coz I was having a conversation the other day with someone and we were saying how it pisses us off when people say things like that.
Friday Part 2: Pendulum.
After going to The Star for some boozing, it was back to the Carling for Pendulum's dj set. The choices for support dj's were very good as they very easily got the dancing happening and the bodies moving. Then Pendulum came and gave us a set that made any lagging energy (It was almost 3am when they came on) instantly forgotten as they dropped tune after tune of killer d'n'b - including of course, all the best Pendulum tracks. Slam?, tick. Tarantula?, tick. That other really popular one that I can't remember the name of and can't be arsed to hunt down my copy of the album in the ever increasing mess that is my bedroom?, tick. - that sent many bodies (mine included) into spasmic enthusiastic dancing of the kind that would make you worry someone was gonna lose a limb if you weren't so busy losing control of yr own.
I'd forgotten just how much dancing like this can be. When you just totally lose yerself in the music being played and dance like it's the only thing you can do and fuck me don't you just love doing it.
And about two thirds of the way through, is that what I think it is? It's only fucking "Waters Of Nazareth" by Justice! Cue Axl losing the plot altogether and somehow managing to dance even harder than before as they suddenly drop about 3 tracks of French - or French style at least - house. Come on, you all know I love French house by now surely. Ooh, that reminds me, I must get a ticket for Digitalism when I get paid.
Oh, and they played a d'n'b version of "Icky Thump" by The White Stripes, which may sound a bit of a tedious novelty when you read this sentence but trust me, it was wicked.
It was pretty fucking amazing.
Saturday: Youthmovies.
What the fucks going on?! Youthmovies are playing at The Zodiac and it's only about half full!! Well believe me when I say you all really fucking missed out. This was Youthmovies like never before. I mean, they've always been awesome, but this was just on another level. It was like Youthmovies extreme edition or something, the quieter moments being extra touching and the rock out moments standing right up there with the best of any band. Whether this is the result of playing their longest tour so far or the result of a new found confidence in some incredibly strong material is something you could debate, but it would be pretty pointless. The only point to take from this is that a really good band stepped up a gear and have become an awesome prospect. If there is any justice they will be one of the bands that everyone is talking about next year. I cannot fucking wait to hear the album.
So yeah, that's a pretty fucking awesome couple of days right there! I'm paying for it today tho. I feel like shit. Totally worth it tho.
In other axl news this week, I've been very nervous a lot at work in case Mr Peaper comes back in. I'm a bit worried that when he gets told to leave the shop he's gonna try and slit my throat in the street or something. I've also been worried at the amount of songs that I should hate that I actually really like being played on the ground floor at work. "Sunflower" by Paul Weller to name one. Can't remember any others at the moment. And the amount of novelty covers doing the rounds at the moment is infuriating and incredibly tedious.
On the other hand there have been some crackers being played too. It has been awesome hearing "Moondance" by Van Morrison every day for the last week. That is a fucking excellent song, I don't care what any of you say. Nice to hear some Grace Jones too. Fuck you, I like Grace Jones!
Yeah whatever, go fuck yerself.
Wednesday 24 October 2007
On A Lighter Note...
If you type the phrase "Ways for a woman to cum while sitting down" into a Google search, my blog is 4th on the list of results.
God I love Statcounter.
UPDATE: My blog is now 3rd on said list! (I'm not quite sure why I like this so much.)
SECOND UPDATE: "How come people on youporn take so long to come" - 2nd AND 3rd. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
God I love Statcounter.
UPDATE: My blog is now 3rd on said list! (I'm not quite sure why I like this so much.)
SECOND UPDATE: "How come people on youporn take so long to come" - 2nd AND 3rd. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Tuesday 23 October 2007
Mr Peaper...Or "How I Learned To Start Worrying And Hate Being Really Freaked Out".
So, basically in short Mr Peaper really fucking freaked me out today.
In long:
Mr Peaper has been a regular customer where I work since before I started. Recently his eccentricities have gotten a little bizarre with a claim of being abducted by aliens (for a second time) who made him privy to certain information about the future and evolution of the human race that for some reason he could not access. Fine, fair enough. He brought in drawings he did of the spaceships and spacetrains that he saw. Whatever, no problem.
However, in the last couple of weeks it's gone to a whole other level. He started talking about how he saw God. How he saw angelic beings in the form of lights. How he could see figures in the street that no-one else could. How he could see shadows in the house opposite his parents that no-one else could. Starting to get a bit overboard, but still, y'know, he's mad so whatever.
The other day he came in quite excited about some research he'd been doing in the Library. How apparently Blackbird Leys quarry used to be a holy ground, how things he'd seen and heard were referred to in books and this meant that what he'd seen was definitely true and he believed he was going to receive some sort of message or guidance from a higher power. This was backed up by him seeing a figure in white who waved at him and then disappeared into thin air. These figures he'd been seeing his whole life were finally making contact with him. OK, things are starting to get a bit too weird. But still, he's probably just a bit lonely and needs someone to talk to.
Today things got scary. He was in the shop with this absolutely manic look on his face, came up to me and asked if I could spare a couple of minutes. He then took me to one side and said something like "I just wanna do this first." and then poked me in the middle of my forehead and told me he had just opened my third eye. Then he pulled out this crayon drawing he'd done of a field with some huts/houses/shed in it. He made me rub this picture 3 times so I had rubbed the whole picture. He never explained why. Then he started telling me he had received a message that his parents were going to die soon and the fact that he had received this message made him believe he was enlightened and that he wanted me to study a book because I was a very special person and he wanted me to become enlightened like he was. He said that in time my third eye would fully open and that with the study of this book (I can't remember what the fuck it was called) I would become enlightened in time. This may sound funny but his manic expression and behaviour made it actually pretty scary. He started showing me how the messages were coming from anywhere that light fell, or something like that, and proved this by picking up a random cd and finding a song title about God/religion. Then he started going on again about how he wanted me to become enlightened like he was because I'm "A very special person" and at this point I was pretty scared as it was but then in quite a threatening way he said "It won't happen straight away but you're gonna see it one day and I'm gonna keep on pestering you until you do." This may not sound like much at all, but trust me, it was terrifying.
He left saying he was certain he was going to receive another message by the end of the week and that he would be back in to see me and keep me updated. Well, he may try, but he's being barred from the shop coz it shook me up so much. I can't really convey the intensity of the situation. It was real scary. Apparently he was telling me aswell that he's been signed of work because of this. "They think I'm mad, but I'm not mad!"
I think the scariest thing is not knowing what's gonna happen next. Is he gonna drop it when he gets kicked out, or is he latching onto me and he's gonna find some other way to pester me about this? How do you second guess someone who's insane? You can't know how their brain's gonna work. You can't tell what their reaction to a situation's gonna be. Their brains work outside of the norm, who the fuck knows what he's gonna do next?
So yeah, I'm pretty freaked out right now.
In long:
Mr Peaper has been a regular customer where I work since before I started. Recently his eccentricities have gotten a little bizarre with a claim of being abducted by aliens (for a second time) who made him privy to certain information about the future and evolution of the human race that for some reason he could not access. Fine, fair enough. He brought in drawings he did of the spaceships and spacetrains that he saw. Whatever, no problem.
However, in the last couple of weeks it's gone to a whole other level. He started talking about how he saw God. How he saw angelic beings in the form of lights. How he could see figures in the street that no-one else could. How he could see shadows in the house opposite his parents that no-one else could. Starting to get a bit overboard, but still, y'know, he's mad so whatever.
The other day he came in quite excited about some research he'd been doing in the Library. How apparently Blackbird Leys quarry used to be a holy ground, how things he'd seen and heard were referred to in books and this meant that what he'd seen was definitely true and he believed he was going to receive some sort of message or guidance from a higher power. This was backed up by him seeing a figure in white who waved at him and then disappeared into thin air. These figures he'd been seeing his whole life were finally making contact with him. OK, things are starting to get a bit too weird. But still, he's probably just a bit lonely and needs someone to talk to.
Today things got scary. He was in the shop with this absolutely manic look on his face, came up to me and asked if I could spare a couple of minutes. He then took me to one side and said something like "I just wanna do this first." and then poked me in the middle of my forehead and told me he had just opened my third eye. Then he pulled out this crayon drawing he'd done of a field with some huts/houses/shed in it. He made me rub this picture 3 times so I had rubbed the whole picture. He never explained why. Then he started telling me he had received a message that his parents were going to die soon and the fact that he had received this message made him believe he was enlightened and that he wanted me to study a book because I was a very special person and he wanted me to become enlightened like he was. He said that in time my third eye would fully open and that with the study of this book (I can't remember what the fuck it was called) I would become enlightened in time. This may sound funny but his manic expression and behaviour made it actually pretty scary. He started showing me how the messages were coming from anywhere that light fell, or something like that, and proved this by picking up a random cd and finding a song title about God/religion. Then he started going on again about how he wanted me to become enlightened like he was because I'm "A very special person" and at this point I was pretty scared as it was but then in quite a threatening way he said "It won't happen straight away but you're gonna see it one day and I'm gonna keep on pestering you until you do." This may not sound like much at all, but trust me, it was terrifying.
He left saying he was certain he was going to receive another message by the end of the week and that he would be back in to see me and keep me updated. Well, he may try, but he's being barred from the shop coz it shook me up so much. I can't really convey the intensity of the situation. It was real scary. Apparently he was telling me aswell that he's been signed of work because of this. "They think I'm mad, but I'm not mad!"
I think the scariest thing is not knowing what's gonna happen next. Is he gonna drop it when he gets kicked out, or is he latching onto me and he's gonna find some other way to pester me about this? How do you second guess someone who's insane? You can't know how their brain's gonna work. You can't tell what their reaction to a situation's gonna be. Their brains work outside of the norm, who the fuck knows what he's gonna do next?
So yeah, I'm pretty freaked out right now.
Monday 22 October 2007
Something I've noticed that annoys me.
Why have the BBC started putting sections in their programmes which are essentially run up to advert break material? By this I mean "Coming up..." segments, which for a channel that has advert breaks serves a point as a reminder and refresher, but on programmes on the BBC that run continuously all that happens is you watch a section that says "Coming up..." and then see it straight afterwards! What's the fucking point?! It doesn't serve a purpose, it doesn't serve as a bookend, all it does is annoy. A little nuggett of irritation to piss you off during your show. Why do they do it? Coz all the other channels do it. Hey BBC, just coz they do it and all that, yeah? I can see you rolling yer eyes and giving me that expression. What? What was that? Don't mumble like that, if yo've got something to say, say it. Do you have something to say to me? Do you?
No. Thought not. Now go to bed. Yes, now.
No. Thought not. Now go to bed. Yes, now.
Vatican Cellars Merchandise Ideas
The ideas that Hannah & I came up with for Vatican Cellars merchandise when I went to hers for dinner on Saturday:
* Vatican Cellars Holy Baked Beans
* Vatican Cellars Rosary Beads
* Vatican Cellars Prayer Book
* Vatican Cellars Embroidery Set
* Vatican Cellars Slippers
* Vatican Cellars Underwear (saying "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbours wife")
* Vatican Cellars Key To Someones Heart
* Vatican Cellars Suicide Note Template (including Last Will & Testament)
* Vatican Cellars Dead Girlfriend Replacment Pillow Case
* Vatican Cellars Self Harming Army Knife
* Vatican Cellars Noose
* Vatican Cellars Bagpiping View Mirror (a mirror for the specific use of viewing oneself while engaged in the sexual practise of bagpiping)
* Vatican Cellars Holy Baked Beans
* Vatican Cellars Rosary Beads
* Vatican Cellars Prayer Book
* Vatican Cellars Embroidery Set
* Vatican Cellars Slippers
* Vatican Cellars Underwear (saying "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbours wife")
* Vatican Cellars Key To Someones Heart
* Vatican Cellars Suicide Note Template (including Last Will & Testament)
* Vatican Cellars Dead Girlfriend Replacment Pillow Case
* Vatican Cellars Self Harming Army Knife
* Vatican Cellars Noose
* Vatican Cellars Bagpiping View Mirror (a mirror for the specific use of viewing oneself while engaged in the sexual practise of bagpiping)
"Singin' On The Top Of A Hedge..."
Well hasn't time been an interesting time then.
First up, if you go to the basement of HMV Oxford, you will most likely not find me there anymore. No, I haven't left or been fired or anything like that, it's just that with all the experienced staff ont the Ground Floor there leaving, being promoted or going part time there is virtually no-one who knows what they're actually doing, which in the run up to Christmas is not a particularly good thing. So they've shifted me back up there. I'm gonna miss my basement.
Secondly, Saturday night. I went to Hannah Schla's for dinner. Although I probably can't call her Hannah Schla anymore seeing as how they've split up and everything. I should probably call her Hannah Vatican from now on. We'll see how it goes, habits are hard to break y'know? Like when you really should stop eating cookies coz you've had enough but they're soooooo goooood and you've started so you know, like, one more can't hurt you right? Then you end up all bloated coz that eating cookies habit was a tough one to break but now you feel sick and all full of sugar and that's probably why yer so tired at quarter past three in the afternoon but you can't have an afternoon nap coz you've just started writing a blog and you wanna finish it, and when you have you probably won't be able to sleep coz you've missed that fleeting afternoon nap moment and besides yer halfway through Basilisk and the Kouga clan seem to have the upper hand over the Iga clan after they pretty much threw their advantage away and you really want to see whats gonna happen next even though you've already watched 8 episodes today already but you just can't get enough of it, just like that time you watched a whole series of Buffy in like 2 days or something.
Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah.
So, Saturday night I went to Hannah Vatican's for dinner before moving on to The Star for Bevan's birthday. Hannah cooked us dinner and we chewed the breeze, shot the fat, generally did the whole catching up thing. We came up with new ideas for Vatican Cellars merchandise and played "Madlibs" which would have been lame if we didn't use filthy and/or disturbing words to fill in the blanks. Filthy minds made this game awesome. As was the after dinner menthol snuff. Hannah hosts very well. If she ever invites you over for dinner, go. It will be fun.
A rare thing happened the yesterday. I woke up unable to remember virtually anything between arriving at The Star and sitting at a table, and waking up in The Cellar with a bouncer standing over me. Normally I have have a pretty good memory of stuff that happens when I'm drunk, but my memory just almost totally vanished. I remember jumping on a hedge and singing "(Sittin'/Singin') on the top of a hedge" to the tune of Sittin' On The Dock Of A Bay by Otis Redding on the way to The Cellar. But that's pretty much the only thing I remember. I don't remember groping Micaela, I don't remember putting stools on my head (no, not poo stools you dirty fuckers), I don't remember pretending I was Rambo, I have a vague recollection of drinking my bottle of strawberry cider out of my hood but I don't really remember it. I have a bruise on my arm that still hurts which is apparently from Jenna kicking my stool and me falling to the floor. I don't remember if the bouncer said anything to me, I remember seeing him and thinking "Oh dear I've been asleep in The Cellar I probably have to leave now." Then I remember waking up by Magdalen Bridge to some guy going "Are you alright mate?"
"Yeah, yeah I'll be fine in about 20 minutes."
Then I remember waking up in my bed on Sunday morning feeling hideous with that ominous "Oh God, I have to go to work" feeling. I may have been hammered but I still remembered to take off my clothes and set my alarm which I'm quite impressed with.
Sunday was pretty much hell. Yeah, pretty much. At least I didn't have to go on till all day, and when I went to the Star to pick up my stuff I was fed chicken stew and cookies, both of which were incredibly tasty.
Missed the Vestibule gig tho. Sorry Grundy!
Right, time for soup and more Basilisk. Yeah!!
First up, if you go to the basement of HMV Oxford, you will most likely not find me there anymore. No, I haven't left or been fired or anything like that, it's just that with all the experienced staff ont the Ground Floor there leaving, being promoted or going part time there is virtually no-one who knows what they're actually doing, which in the run up to Christmas is not a particularly good thing. So they've shifted me back up there. I'm gonna miss my basement.
Secondly, Saturday night. I went to Hannah Schla's for dinner. Although I probably can't call her Hannah Schla anymore seeing as how they've split up and everything. I should probably call her Hannah Vatican from now on. We'll see how it goes, habits are hard to break y'know? Like when you really should stop eating cookies coz you've had enough but they're soooooo goooood and you've started so you know, like, one more can't hurt you right? Then you end up all bloated coz that eating cookies habit was a tough one to break but now you feel sick and all full of sugar and that's probably why yer so tired at quarter past three in the afternoon but you can't have an afternoon nap coz you've just started writing a blog and you wanna finish it, and when you have you probably won't be able to sleep coz you've missed that fleeting afternoon nap moment and besides yer halfway through Basilisk and the Kouga clan seem to have the upper hand over the Iga clan after they pretty much threw their advantage away and you really want to see whats gonna happen next even though you've already watched 8 episodes today already but you just can't get enough of it, just like that time you watched a whole series of Buffy in like 2 days or something.
Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah.
So, Saturday night I went to Hannah Vatican's for dinner before moving on to The Star for Bevan's birthday. Hannah cooked us dinner and we chewed the breeze, shot the fat, generally did the whole catching up thing. We came up with new ideas for Vatican Cellars merchandise and played "Madlibs" which would have been lame if we didn't use filthy and/or disturbing words to fill in the blanks. Filthy minds made this game awesome. As was the after dinner menthol snuff. Hannah hosts very well. If she ever invites you over for dinner, go. It will be fun.
A rare thing happened the yesterday. I woke up unable to remember virtually anything between arriving at The Star and sitting at a table, and waking up in The Cellar with a bouncer standing over me. Normally I have have a pretty good memory of stuff that happens when I'm drunk, but my memory just almost totally vanished. I remember jumping on a hedge and singing "(Sittin'/Singin') on the top of a hedge" to the tune of Sittin' On The Dock Of A Bay by Otis Redding on the way to The Cellar. But that's pretty much the only thing I remember. I don't remember groping Micaela, I don't remember putting stools on my head (no, not poo stools you dirty fuckers), I don't remember pretending I was Rambo, I have a vague recollection of drinking my bottle of strawberry cider out of my hood but I don't really remember it. I have a bruise on my arm that still hurts which is apparently from Jenna kicking my stool and me falling to the floor. I don't remember if the bouncer said anything to me, I remember seeing him and thinking "Oh dear I've been asleep in The Cellar I probably have to leave now." Then I remember waking up by Magdalen Bridge to some guy going "Are you alright mate?"
"Yeah, yeah I'll be fine in about 20 minutes."
Then I remember waking up in my bed on Sunday morning feeling hideous with that ominous "Oh God, I have to go to work" feeling. I may have been hammered but I still remembered to take off my clothes and set my alarm which I'm quite impressed with.
Sunday was pretty much hell. Yeah, pretty much. At least I didn't have to go on till all day, and when I went to the Star to pick up my stuff I was fed chicken stew and cookies, both of which were incredibly tasty.
Missed the Vestibule gig tho. Sorry Grundy!
Right, time for soup and more Basilisk. Yeah!!
Friday 19 October 2007
Untitled.
Copout, yes, but I almost can't be bothered. This is gonna be such a half-arsed post. I have however just poured myself a pre-Star port, and I've watched all the "Jerkbeast" extras so here goes.
If you just said or thought to yerself "What's Jerkbeast?", well, I didn't know until a couple of days ago when Rhyannon showed me. It's a film about, well, about Jerkbeast, someone who gets tired of wreaking havoc on people and sets up a public access tv show to verbally abuse them thru. Thru this he sets up a band, and this film follows the ups and downs of their rocky road to success. A rocky road that takes in numerous name changes, less than nice managers leaving them high & dry, and dead girlfriends.
It's fucking hilarious.
Seriously.
Monday was Foals at the Zodiac. They were totally awesome. Support came from Metronomy. I think I'm possibly the only person in Oxford who doesn't like Metronomy. I can't be arsed to do a proper review now. I should've done it at the time really. We went to Hi-Lo afterwards. I normally don't like it there, but it was an awesome night. The Youthmovies guys turned up after their Wycombe gig so there was a really good atmosphere. Fun and too much booze. Tuesday was pretty bad for being at work. Worth it though.
Wednesday was Jay's birthday. Too many people I know have birthdays in October.
Yesterday I was co-presenting the Love Burns radio show with Nell which was really fun. We were a little unprepared, but it was still a laugh.
Today I've been watching "Jerkbeast" and an anime series called "Basilisk" which is also totally fucking awesome.
And now I'm off to the Star.
Proper back on form blogging again soon. Promise.
If you just said or thought to yerself "What's Jerkbeast?", well, I didn't know until a couple of days ago when Rhyannon showed me. It's a film about, well, about Jerkbeast, someone who gets tired of wreaking havoc on people and sets up a public access tv show to verbally abuse them thru. Thru this he sets up a band, and this film follows the ups and downs of their rocky road to success. A rocky road that takes in numerous name changes, less than nice managers leaving them high & dry, and dead girlfriends.
It's fucking hilarious.
Seriously.
Monday was Foals at the Zodiac. They were totally awesome. Support came from Metronomy. I think I'm possibly the only person in Oxford who doesn't like Metronomy. I can't be arsed to do a proper review now. I should've done it at the time really. We went to Hi-Lo afterwards. I normally don't like it there, but it was an awesome night. The Youthmovies guys turned up after their Wycombe gig so there was a really good atmosphere. Fun and too much booze. Tuesday was pretty bad for being at work. Worth it though.
Wednesday was Jay's birthday. Too many people I know have birthdays in October.
Yesterday I was co-presenting the Love Burns radio show with Nell which was really fun. We were a little unprepared, but it was still a laugh.
Today I've been watching "Jerkbeast" and an anime series called "Basilisk" which is also totally fucking awesome.
And now I'm off to the Star.
Proper back on form blogging again soon. Promise.
Sunday 14 October 2007
Newcastle/Nuke Arsehole/Visiting Emma/Me & Mr Heard down by the Tyneside.
On Thursday myself & Paul Heard made our respective ways to Newcastle, me on the train, Paul by plane (I don't like flying + I don't have a passport or even any photo ID). It was really good to get to Newcastle and not have that feeling of dread that I have to be on a train for about another 1&1/2 to 2 hours.
Emma met me at the station and I could see her flares from the other side of the station. We went to a pub to wait for Heard. I say say pub, it was a bar above a venue, but it was nice like a pub is. Anyway, Heard arrived and we went back to Emma's to drop off our stuff and then head out for a meal at a cool place I can't remember the name of. For some reason I want to say Cloisters, but I know that's wrong. There was a really nice area on the way that I wish I'd taken a photo of. It had a monument and other nice looking things.
Anyway we had burgers and booze and met up with Emma's manlovechum Mark and their friend Ian. Then we went to another pub that was really nice and had about 15 or so different real ciders! Awesome! Only problem was I wasn't in a cider drinking mood, so I feel it was a bit wasted on me, but next time I'm going to make them take me back so I can get reet pissed up on cider like. The one Heardy had was beautiful on the tastebuds.
Back to Emma's for stay up late chatting and eventual passing into slumber times.
As seems to be usual at the moment I couldn't sleep very well and therefore was wide awake far too early. I had a read of Lone Wolf & Cub and listened to the wonderous sounds of Paul farting. When Paul & Emma woke up we did the old shower geting up business and went to a cafe for breakfast. The first one we went to didn't do food and the guy who worked there freaked us out with his "HELLO CUSTOMERS! LET ME BEND OVER ARSEWARDS TO ACCOMODATE ANY NEED YOU MAY HAVE WHILE BEING VERY LOUD AND KNOWINGLY ATTEMPTING TO COME ACROSS AS QUIRKY AND FUN! PLEASE LIKE ME!" banter. The second one we went to involved waiting for a table, but what the hell it looked nice and we couldn't be bothered to go anywhere else so we might as well stay here now anyway. Thank the Lord we did too as I had possibly the best fry up (and indeed any sort of) breakfast ever ever EVER! It was sooooooooo goooooooood!
What did we do then? Did we go back to Emma's? I can't remember.
The next thing I remember was going to Alt. Vinyl which is one of the best record shops I've ever been in. I could've easily made myself bankrupt in there, but managed to limit myself to just 4 cds. I'm pretty sure if Paul hadn't been there it would've been more. He seemed to provide an air of slight sensibility to proceedings. Emma wasn't there coz she had to go for a smear test.
The three of us met back up in a pub and went off to the Tyne and to a gallery called Baltic where we saw possibly the worst artist exhibition I have ever seen. Kendell Geers is the kind of fuckwit chancer that gives modern art a bad name, and no I am not being harsh. His work is garish and obvious. It is clearly supposed to be "In your face" and confrontational, but the lack of subtlety here just makes everything ugly and to be perfectly frank and honest, it's pathetic. Oh look it's a skull covered in the word "Fuck". Oh look, the mirrors on this mirrorball repeatedly spell out the word "Fuck". Oh look it's a film of 9/11 happening vvveeeeeerrrrrrrryyyyyyy ssssssslllllllloooooooowwwwwwwllllllllyyyyyyyyyy in reverse with an industrial-site-objects-clanging treated samples soundtrack playing to accompany it. There's a pagan star made of US Police car siren lights. There's a burned out car upside down on top of a concrete block that has broken glass sticking out of it. There's some razor wire. There's the word "Fuck" a lot, again. Oh look, now the 9/11 happening very slowly backwards film is going forwards very slowly. The whole exhibit is so desperatly trying to make you feel uncomfortable, like a sixth former writing self indulgent poetry about how bleak the wolrd is in their eyes, but all it does is make you want to find this Kendell Geers cock by the collar and shout "LOOK JUST GROW THE FUCK UP OKAY?!" in their face. Except they would probably see that as some sort of victory and think that it meant I couldn't handle their work. Make no mistake, this is not something you can't handle because that would imply that there is something you don't understand and this is an exhibition so desperate to be noticed that it wears it's heart on it's sleeve. Not even it's sleeve, it takes it's heart and staples it too it's forehead so there is no way you can't notice it. God, it was truly awful. I could bang on about this for ages, but this is a blog about Newcastle, so I'll leave the (piss) artist alone now, and carry on with the blog. I will say that the corridors of body bags did look good.
There were a couple of good things at Baltic that day tho. The ground floor had a piece that was a bunch of fridge-freezers covered in squares of mirror, like mirrorballs. That was really cool. We also saw the painting that was used for the cover of Sonic Youth's "Sonic Nurse" album, or if not it was definitely one in the same series of paintings by the same artist. That was cool too.
Back across the Millenium Bridge (Yes, London isn't the only place to have one) and on our way to an awesome little cafe/cinema for a sit down and a hot drink (very nice hot chocolate). Again I can't remember the name. I can remember the woman who worked there tho. I found her really attractive, and when she was talking to us upstairs, she was obviously really cool & nice too. I was totally smitten. I would like to be able to say that if she lived in Oxford or I lived in Newcastle, I would've asked her out, but we all know that's not true. I'd have just spent months really fancying her and never doing or saying anything about it coz I'm a massive pussy when it comes to these things.
A place called Tokyo served me a very good White Russian and had a very odd outdoor/indoor area upstairs. I wish I could explain it. Then we went to a dingy little italian restaurant that served really good food quite cheap. Then another pub for more real cider. I think Emma was a little concerned that we were a bit quiet at times on Friday, personally speaking I was just really enjoying having a nice relaxing day in the company of 2 of my favourite people. This visit made me realise how much I miss Emma, and how I should probably be a better friend to my friends back here as well as those I miss already, coz at times, especially recently, I can be a bit rubbish. A little epiphany, which may in the end count for nothing, but I think at least I'll try.
I really can't be arsed to talk about the hellish train journey back. I'm hungry and I want to watch more Billy Connolly.
P.S. Emma wasn't really going for a smear test, she has some kind of stomach bug.
Emma met me at the station and I could see her flares from the other side of the station. We went to a pub to wait for Heard. I say say pub, it was a bar above a venue, but it was nice like a pub is. Anyway, Heard arrived and we went back to Emma's to drop off our stuff and then head out for a meal at a cool place I can't remember the name of. For some reason I want to say Cloisters, but I know that's wrong. There was a really nice area on the way that I wish I'd taken a photo of. It had a monument and other nice looking things.
Anyway we had burgers and booze and met up with Emma's manlovechum Mark and their friend Ian. Then we went to another pub that was really nice and had about 15 or so different real ciders! Awesome! Only problem was I wasn't in a cider drinking mood, so I feel it was a bit wasted on me, but next time I'm going to make them take me back so I can get reet pissed up on cider like. The one Heardy had was beautiful on the tastebuds.
Back to Emma's for stay up late chatting and eventual passing into slumber times.
As seems to be usual at the moment I couldn't sleep very well and therefore was wide awake far too early. I had a read of Lone Wolf & Cub and listened to the wonderous sounds of Paul farting. When Paul & Emma woke up we did the old shower geting up business and went to a cafe for breakfast. The first one we went to didn't do food and the guy who worked there freaked us out with his "HELLO CUSTOMERS! LET ME BEND OVER ARSEWARDS TO ACCOMODATE ANY NEED YOU MAY HAVE WHILE BEING VERY LOUD AND KNOWINGLY ATTEMPTING TO COME ACROSS AS QUIRKY AND FUN! PLEASE LIKE ME!" banter. The second one we went to involved waiting for a table, but what the hell it looked nice and we couldn't be bothered to go anywhere else so we might as well stay here now anyway. Thank the Lord we did too as I had possibly the best fry up (and indeed any sort of) breakfast ever ever EVER! It was sooooooooo goooooooood!
What did we do then? Did we go back to Emma's? I can't remember.
The next thing I remember was going to Alt. Vinyl which is one of the best record shops I've ever been in. I could've easily made myself bankrupt in there, but managed to limit myself to just 4 cds. I'm pretty sure if Paul hadn't been there it would've been more. He seemed to provide an air of slight sensibility to proceedings. Emma wasn't there coz she had to go for a smear test.
The three of us met back up in a pub and went off to the Tyne and to a gallery called Baltic where we saw possibly the worst artist exhibition I have ever seen. Kendell Geers is the kind of fuckwit chancer that gives modern art a bad name, and no I am not being harsh. His work is garish and obvious. It is clearly supposed to be "In your face" and confrontational, but the lack of subtlety here just makes everything ugly and to be perfectly frank and honest, it's pathetic. Oh look it's a skull covered in the word "Fuck". Oh look, the mirrors on this mirrorball repeatedly spell out the word "Fuck". Oh look it's a film of 9/11 happening vvveeeeeerrrrrrrryyyyyyy ssssssslllllllloooooooowwwwwwwllllllllyyyyyyyyyy in reverse with an industrial-site-objects-clanging treated samples soundtrack playing to accompany it. There's a pagan star made of US Police car siren lights. There's a burned out car upside down on top of a concrete block that has broken glass sticking out of it. There's some razor wire. There's the word "Fuck" a lot, again. Oh look, now the 9/11 happening very slowly backwards film is going forwards very slowly. The whole exhibit is so desperatly trying to make you feel uncomfortable, like a sixth former writing self indulgent poetry about how bleak the wolrd is in their eyes, but all it does is make you want to find this Kendell Geers cock by the collar and shout "LOOK JUST GROW THE FUCK UP OKAY?!" in their face. Except they would probably see that as some sort of victory and think that it meant I couldn't handle their work. Make no mistake, this is not something you can't handle because that would imply that there is something you don't understand and this is an exhibition so desperate to be noticed that it wears it's heart on it's sleeve. Not even it's sleeve, it takes it's heart and staples it too it's forehead so there is no way you can't notice it. God, it was truly awful. I could bang on about this for ages, but this is a blog about Newcastle, so I'll leave the (piss) artist alone now, and carry on with the blog. I will say that the corridors of body bags did look good.
There were a couple of good things at Baltic that day tho. The ground floor had a piece that was a bunch of fridge-freezers covered in squares of mirror, like mirrorballs. That was really cool. We also saw the painting that was used for the cover of Sonic Youth's "Sonic Nurse" album, or if not it was definitely one in the same series of paintings by the same artist. That was cool too.
Back across the Millenium Bridge (Yes, London isn't the only place to have one) and on our way to an awesome little cafe/cinema for a sit down and a hot drink (very nice hot chocolate). Again I can't remember the name. I can remember the woman who worked there tho. I found her really attractive, and when she was talking to us upstairs, she was obviously really cool & nice too. I was totally smitten. I would like to be able to say that if she lived in Oxford or I lived in Newcastle, I would've asked her out, but we all know that's not true. I'd have just spent months really fancying her and never doing or saying anything about it coz I'm a massive pussy when it comes to these things.
A place called Tokyo served me a very good White Russian and had a very odd outdoor/indoor area upstairs. I wish I could explain it. Then we went to a dingy little italian restaurant that served really good food quite cheap. Then another pub for more real cider. I think Emma was a little concerned that we were a bit quiet at times on Friday, personally speaking I was just really enjoying having a nice relaxing day in the company of 2 of my favourite people. This visit made me realise how much I miss Emma, and how I should probably be a better friend to my friends back here as well as those I miss already, coz at times, especially recently, I can be a bit rubbish. A little epiphany, which may in the end count for nothing, but I think at least I'll try.
I really can't be arsed to talk about the hellish train journey back. I'm hungry and I want to watch more Billy Connolly.
P.S. Emma wasn't really going for a smear test, she has some kind of stomach bug.
Tuesday 9 October 2007
I was wondering...
"If that mockingbird don't sing, I'm gonna buy you a diamond ring."
Wouldn't you just kill the mockingbird? Or glue it's beak shut?
Don't tell someone that if their gift doesn't work properly you'll buy them a much better, more expensive present. They'll just sabotage it.
Also, if you like someone enough to buy them a diamond ring if the mockinbird you just got them turns out to be faulty, why not just get them the ring in the first place? If you can afford to offer it, yer just coming across as a cheapskate by telling them that you thought you'd try giving them this crappy, possibly dysfunctional bird first.
Right, I'm off to The Star to for booze and Enders (my mate, not the shit BBC1 soap). Yay!
Wouldn't you just kill the mockingbird? Or glue it's beak shut?
Don't tell someone that if their gift doesn't work properly you'll buy them a much better, more expensive present. They'll just sabotage it.
Also, if you like someone enough to buy them a diamond ring if the mockinbird you just got them turns out to be faulty, why not just get them the ring in the first place? If you can afford to offer it, yer just coming across as a cheapskate by telling them that you thought you'd try giving them this crappy, possibly dysfunctional bird first.
Right, I'm off to The Star to for booze and Enders (my mate, not the shit BBC1 soap). Yay!
Insomnia Part 3
I'm seriously getting really bored of not being able to sleep. I wouldn't necessarily mind if I could do anything productive with my time, but no, I can't do that because my brain stopped functioning properly hours ago, so I just have extra time to do nothing praying for sleep to every deity there is, and even making up a few new ones just in case.
See, L. Ron Hubbard had the right idea. I reckon he was just an insomniac looking for a way to kill time, and hey, anything that makes stupid dumb fuck celebrities who've lost all perspective of actual real life give away their money is alright by me. See, Scientology gets a bad rep, but I reckon Mr Hubbard might just have been trying to help us out by finding out who the real idiots are in Hollywood, stealing shitloads of their money, and debilitating their reputations so that no-one takes them seriously anymore and they can't get replacement money. Seriously, when was the last time Tom Cruise, John Travolta or Juliette Lewis were taken seriously? When was the last time any of them made a half-decent film?
Maybe I'll start a religion of my own. I'll call it Getdrunkandfuckology. It'll include ritual drinking while tied to fellow believers. That way I can get all the fucking student cunt pub-crawlers in one place and break out the uzi's! MWAH HA HA HA HAAAAAA!!!
Maybe if I open my window a lost owl will come in and knock me unconcious...
See, L. Ron Hubbard had the right idea. I reckon he was just an insomniac looking for a way to kill time, and hey, anything that makes stupid dumb fuck celebrities who've lost all perspective of actual real life give away their money is alright by me. See, Scientology gets a bad rep, but I reckon Mr Hubbard might just have been trying to help us out by finding out who the real idiots are in Hollywood, stealing shitloads of their money, and debilitating their reputations so that no-one takes them seriously anymore and they can't get replacement money. Seriously, when was the last time Tom Cruise, John Travolta or Juliette Lewis were taken seriously? When was the last time any of them made a half-decent film?
Maybe I'll start a religion of my own. I'll call it Getdrunkandfuckology. It'll include ritual drinking while tied to fellow believers. That way I can get all the fucking student cunt pub-crawlers in one place and break out the uzi's! MWAH HA HA HA HAAAAAA!!!
Maybe if I open my window a lost owl will come in and knock me unconcious...
Wednesday 3 October 2007
Ladies & Gentlemen, We Proudly Present To You, AXL'S 100TH BLOG!!
Wow, like oh my God, this is so unexpected. Let's see, I'd like to thank my mother & father for having sexual intercourse all those years ago and creating me, and especially my mothers religious views at the time which meant abortion was not an option even though she was a pregnant 16 year old. So thank you God too. Yeah I'm talking to you big guy. Give yerself a hand, or whatever it is you have instead of hands. Slap opposing sides of your aura together or something. I'd ermmmm..... lets see, errrrrr........ I'd like to thank the internet, I know that sounds lame, but without it I'd just be some drunk guy shouting at people in the street or something. I'd of course like to thank the team here at the Potato Farm for sticking by me and supporting me and just generally believing in me, y'know? I never did introduce the team did I? Here they are:
First up, Creative Consultants, Alice & Oscar:
And here's the rest of the team:
The white bear is Jenny, Head Of Finance. The Garfield cat next to her is Garfield, Director Of Human Resources. Jenny & Garfield celebrated their 15th Wedding Anniversary earlier this year.
The orange aligator crudely poking his head out above them is my PR man Clarence. He's a bit of an alcoholic. He once touched Corrine's boobs. If you don't know who Corrine is, she's a woman with big boobs. Here's a picture of that night:
Although it may look to the untrained eye that I'm encoraging this behavior, I am actually trying to restrain him, honest guv.
Next up, Foxy & Badger, my researchers. These two are also a couple, but not married. They broke up for a time coz Foxy was sleeping with Clarence. The tension was unbearable, but somehow it all sorted itself out and it's all fine now. I think the fact that Badger "Only went and gone and got me dick wet, didn't I?!" probably helped the healing process start. I'm really not sure how though. They're an odd bunch this lot.
Finally, our newest recruit is Clarissa, the green aligator. There is a suspision that Clarissa & Clarence are long lost siblings, due to the fact that their dads have exactly the same first, last & middle names, and have exactly the same birthmark. Clarissa has only just started and so doesn't have a permanent position just yet, but her enthusiasm and ease with everything makes her pretty much a shoe in for a full time job.
So there you are. The ones that help make the magic happen behind the scenes. We hope you have enjoyed the last 100 blogs, and that we can continue to produce enjoyable, quality blogging in the times to come.
Alice consults on a previous entry.
Thank you for reading.
First up, Creative Consultants, Alice & Oscar:
And here's the rest of the team:
The white bear is Jenny, Head Of Finance. The Garfield cat next to her is Garfield, Director Of Human Resources. Jenny & Garfield celebrated their 15th Wedding Anniversary earlier this year.
The orange aligator crudely poking his head out above them is my PR man Clarence. He's a bit of an alcoholic. He once touched Corrine's boobs. If you don't know who Corrine is, she's a woman with big boobs. Here's a picture of that night:
Although it may look to the untrained eye that I'm encoraging this behavior, I am actually trying to restrain him, honest guv.
Next up, Foxy & Badger, my researchers. These two are also a couple, but not married. They broke up for a time coz Foxy was sleeping with Clarence. The tension was unbearable, but somehow it all sorted itself out and it's all fine now. I think the fact that Badger "Only went and gone and got me dick wet, didn't I?!" probably helped the healing process start. I'm really not sure how though. They're an odd bunch this lot.
Finally, our newest recruit is Clarissa, the green aligator. There is a suspision that Clarissa & Clarence are long lost siblings, due to the fact that their dads have exactly the same first, last & middle names, and have exactly the same birthmark. Clarissa has only just started and so doesn't have a permanent position just yet, but her enthusiasm and ease with everything makes her pretty much a shoe in for a full time job.
So there you are. The ones that help make the magic happen behind the scenes. We hope you have enjoyed the last 100 blogs, and that we can continue to produce enjoyable, quality blogging in the times to come.
Alice consults on a previous entry.
Thank you for reading.
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